Poor Maggie

Well Maggie and Longo have as of right now broken off their engagement and are no longer together. I don't know how long this will last considering this has happened before but this time I think he really messed up. They split because of what they were fighting about last week, but when she said that it wasn't fair that he was blaming her for holding him back he blew up and pushed her. So she took off the ring and said that was it. I feel bad for her because she his hurting but I also think its good for her. He was way out of line and he's messed up a lot. I know no one person is perfect but he cheated on her and she took him back under the condition that he get tested for STDs and all that stuff. Not too many people would do that. And she has tried so hard to be supportive and he threw it all away. I hope it sticks because I think she could do so much better. I know its hard to get out there once you've been in a relationship that was comfortable but she won't have any problem finding someone. I just hope its someone better than Longo. I hope he realizes how bad he screwed up and learns from his mistakes. I don't think they can even be friends after all this. I guess he'll probably go back to the way he used to be. I don't know. I just wish I could do something for her....she's really hurt right now. I can only pray that things get better for her and that in the long run this will be a blessing. At least they didn't get married (which they were supposed to do earlier this year but didn't because they couldn't afford it) and waste all that time and money. She's like me in that she wants to get married but she doesn't want to do it more than once. No one likes divorce and if there are kids involved its 10x's harder. I know because my parents are divorced and they can't stand each other. Like I said maybe its a blessing.

Reno 911

I don't know how people feel about "Reno 911" but I think its funny. I found some quotes and here are some of my favorites.

[Wiegel may be dating a serial killer]
Deputy S. Jones: Do I think Craig is the Truckie River Killer... yeah.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Yeah... and it's the best she's gonna do.
Deputy S. Jones: Yeah.


Lt. Jim Dangle: [performing an anti-crystal meth song for a class of kids] You can monkey with a gibbon, You can fiddle with a bow / But before you snort that crystal meth, there's some things that you should know / Meth is made from antihistamines, in basement labs it's cooked / And possession is a felony, which means that you'll get booked / With a snort it zips right up your nose, and eats away your brain / It kills your sense of good and evil, and it makes you go insane / Here we go... / So don't meth with meth, Beth / Don't meth with meth, Seth / Don't meth with meth... Gwyneth / Don't meth with crystal meth! [pause]
Lt. Jim Dangle: Any questions? We do have about 45 minutes left... any requests? I know some Rush... a little bit of Floyd.


Kevin the Sex Offender: Morning, my name's Kevin Darling, I'm moving in next door, just thought I'd come by and tell you a little bit about myself. I'm, uh, divorced... in between jobs, somewhat of a foodie, convicted sex offender, I, I, I play chess not very well...
Deputy Clementine Johnson: No, back up to the...
Kevin the Sex Offender: The other thing?
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Yeah, that's right.
Kevin the Sex Offender: I am a foodie, and so I cook a lot.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't be cute, Kevin.
Kevin the Sex Offender: I am a convicted sex offender. Whatever that means.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: What that means, ma'am, is you've got a pervert living in your neighborhood.


Lt. Jim Dangle: [directing traffic school] This is where we would normally be showing you an educational movie, "Blood On The Highway".
Deputy Travis Junior: But instead, we've got a treat in store for you.
Lt. Jim Dangle: [holding up a video tape] Instead, we're going to watch Smokey And The Bandit!

Deputy Travis Junior: And there will be a test!




Deputy Clementine Johnson: [after a suspect drives off with a police car] We are screwed! We are screwed!
Deputy Williams: We gonna say he tried to rape us. We gonna lie, we gonna say he tried to rape us. He attacked us.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: He took it out.
Deputy Williams: He tried to... [looks at the camera]
Deputy Williams: Give us the tape.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Hand over the tape. [the cameraman runs away]
Deputy Williams: Give us that tape!
Deputy Clementine Johnson: I will cut you!


Deputy Travis Junior: Who's Garcia's partner today?
Lt. Jim Dangle: Not it.
Deputy Travis Junior: Not it.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Not it.
Lt. Jim Dangle: Trudy.
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: What'd I win?
Lt. Jim Dangle: You're with Garcia today.


[Wiegel and Johnson must round up perps to fill a prison cell for the taping of Rev. LeCarp's show]
Deputy Clementine Johnson: We should go down to Hooker Heaven and see if we can round up some girls there.
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Is that the new bagel place?

Good News, Bad News

Bad news first I guess.....My dad has to have heart surgery. He has come clogged arteries but I'm not worried too much. I knew he's had them for a while, a little over a year, and I knew there was a chance that he would have to have surgery to unclog them. His surgery is on the 8th so I think I'll spend th day up there with him so he isn't by himself. I don't know if anyone else is going to be up there so I'm going to make sure that I'm there so he doesn't get lonely. There is a possibility that one of my brothers are going to be there but thats alright...That just means that I'll get to see them more than once this year. (They are my half brothers and are a lot older than me) I know that my sister (half) probably isn't going to be there...She really doesn't get along with my dad. And my other sisters might be there, at least Amanda will be. I don't know about Ali; she said something about having a dr.'s appointment on the 9th and since she lives in VA I don't know if she'll be able to make it. She doesn't really get on with my dad either but that doesn't mean that she wouldn't be there for something like this. I'm not going to worry to much about it because that'll just make things worse; besides he's having the surgery at Johns Hopkins so thats a bit of a comfort.

Good news (I suppose its good news, I'm sort of looking forward to it): My aunt is coming for a visit after Christmas from Hawaii. I have only met her once and that was like 12 years ago. She is bringing 2 of her grandchildren with her; they are both 15 so I think they'll enjoy the trip. I don't think they have been out of Hawaii so it'll be something new for them to experience. Maybe it'll snow and they'll get to experience that for the first time. They'll be staying with my aunt in New Jersey for a while and then they are going to head down here so that they can visit with us and since we are fairly close to D.C. they can go there and see some stuff. They are going to need a place to stay though. They could stay in a hotel but I know I would feel bad if they had to do that, especially when they have family here that has more than enough room for them in their homes. I remember when she was here last she couldn't stop laughing at how funny we talked. I don't think we really talk funny here but she said we do. I mean she has lived in Hawai for over 35 years so she's lost her Baltimore accent. Anyway it should be fun to have her around.....she was a lot of fun last time she was here so we shall see.

Well time to get back to work.

Mulling Things Over

I've been doing a lot of thinking about a lot of things in my life lately. Especially when it comes to relationships with my friends and others. We are taught that most things happen in cycles; the seasons, rain, etc. I find that relationships go the same way, at least in my life they seem to. I have lost a few friends to the military; a few meaning 2 so far but I also "lost" friends because they married or are engaged to people in the military. Now I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with being in the military because there isn't. It's admirable in my opinion to put your life on the line for your country.

That said, I question how healthy the military is for people. The ones I know are never the same when they come back out. It's weird, I don't know how to explain it. Maybe things happened that I don't know about. I would hope that they would talk to me if they were having a problem. It upsets me so much that the wonderful person that I knew before is a mere shadow of the person that they have become. One person in particular really hurt me by going into the military.

He didn't give me any warning whatsoever. He called me at work and said guess what I did today and proceeded to tell me he joined the Army. This was pre 9/11 so I guess maybe he thought that odds were best that there wouldn't be any sort of major conflict that would put him in danger. I was extremely upset about this. I know I cried for weeks because we were so close. I remember when he left, it was probably the most heart breaking thing that had happened to me short of my grandmother dying. I got over it though. But then he called a couple of months later and said that they were shipping him to Korea. He spent 2 years there and this was after 9/11 when all that stuff was going on. I couldn't have been happier when he told me he was coming home. When he got here I quickly realized he had changed so much that I barely knew him. We have seen the best and worst of each other but he isn't the person that left in June 2000. And now since he signed up for the guard, he has to go to Iraq in October. The person that I knew wouldn't want to put himself in harms way, the person that I know now is looking forward to going because of the money.

I know that money is important and people need it to survive but I just can't understand why anyone would want to give up their life for money. It just doesn't make sense to me.

What brought all this on is that my best friend, Maggie, and her fiance got into a huge fight yesterday over what else but money. He said that she puts too much emphasis on getting th bills paid. All she wants to do is prevent them from losing the place they live in and all that stuff. He said that she held him back when they first started dating 4 years ago when she said that she could not be with someone who was going into the military. This was before things got serious and they were seeing other people. He said that he wasn't going to go in because of 9/11 and that because he was falling for her. Now all of a sudden it's her fault. If I see him anytime soon it would take a lot for me not to say something to him about that. So now to keep him, she had to consent to him joining the military. She set conditions one of them being that he cannot join the Marines or Navy. And when she asked him if he still loved her he said no and then changed to and I don't know. I don't think he loves her anymore. I know that it is not my deal but I look at it this way...his gut reaction was to say no. If he did still love her, he would have said yes without thinking. At least this is what I think.

So now she is all upset because it is inevitable that she is going to have to move at some point during his military career. She doesn't really like living here but she likes it because her family and friends are so close. And she also wanted to start going to school. It is something she has wanted to do since she left high school but never could afford it.

This is the point of this entry as far as I go and its selfish but this is the reason....I am tired of losing people to the military. I am petrified they are going to get hurt or that I will lose touch with them which has happened before. It is completely selfish and I know but this is how I feel. This is why it takes me a while to become friends with people. The moment I get used to them being there, they are gone. All I've ever wanted is a friend that I could say that I have had for almost ever.

I don't know....now I'm just complaining. I should be grateful for the time I spent with them and get on with it.

It's Hot Again

Another 100+ degree day! I didn't think it felt too bad yesterday but thats me. Maybe I can handle heat better than some people. Jeffery's birthday party went well...He's such a great kid. No matter what he gets (presents) he is always appreciative, even if its clothes. I don't know any 5 year old that gets excited over clothes. I can't believe he is starting school this year. Him and Morgan both grew up too fast for me and I'm not even a parent. I can remember when he was born like it was yesterday. I walked into my job at the time (late, but thats of no consequence) and Elma (a co-worker)comes up to me and smacks me really hard and says:

Elma: "Why didn't you tell me Shelley was pregnant?!"

Me: "Shelley was pregnant? I thought she might be but I didn't want to ask her. Besides she denied it to Jenn and her mom when they asked. Why? What happened?"

(I didn't think she was that far along. I thought that maybe she was 5 months if that)


Elma: "I just got a call from Jenn saying that Shelley had a baby boy this morning at Fallston. Why didn't she tell anyone?"

Me: "You've got to be kidding! I'll call Jenn."

I called Jenn, her sister and my best friend, and left a message. An hour later she called me crying and told me everything that happened. I went that day to see them both. I'll never ever forget that I was there when she named him. I remember trying to talk her out of naming him Jeffery. (I just don't like the name and I couldn't imagine calling a baby Jeffery). She said well maybe I'll name him Zachary; I like that and I could totally see calling a baby Zack. But she decided to stick with Jeffery Tyler Hook, until she knew for sure who the father was. Stever, her high school sweetheart and at that time current boyfriend, was there for her when she had him. He thought there was a chance that Jeffery was his. Not a chance! He is his father through and through. If I didn't know any better I would question as to whether Jeffery was even Shelley's kid. Anyway his father was her ex-boyfriend and current husband. They seem to be happy. I hope they are anyway. There was a time when I thought for sure that it was the end for them. They are so different but it seems to work for them.

I can only hope that someday I have kids as great as Morgan, Zoe, and Jeffery. They are smart and creative and a list of whole list of other things. I can't wait to see what they are like when they get older but I don't want them to grow up either. I already miss them being small now that they are school age. Where did the time go?

Too Hot!

It's supposed to get really hot here over the next week. We've had a pretty hot summer, more humid than last year anyway. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't like the heat much. My favorite times of year are spring and Fall. Mostly Fall though because my allergies don't act up as much as they do in the Spring and because I think its pretty. I've heard a lot of people say that they didn't like this season because everything is dying or hibernating. I know a lot of things are dying but they almost always come back as beautiful as ever. I absolutely love the Fall. If it was Fall all year round somewhere, that is where I would live.

There is just somethings I love about it like the feel of a sweater and how cold the tip of your nose gets when the evening comes. I like the smell and crispness of the air and the crunch of the leaves on the ground. Who couldn't love the gorgeous color of the trees? It's one of my favorite things.

Ah, thats enough reminiscing about something that is fast approaching. Hopefully before the end of the summer I get to go to the beach. I love the ocean. I think thats why I don't think I could live in the Mid-West, because I need to be near the ocean. I just don't like the crowds here. Well I'm just going to think about the beach and then the fall for the remainder of my work day. Good thoughts.........

Arsenic and the King of England

I just read a story where they found extremely high level of Arsenic in hairs of King George III. They think that this may have contributed to his madness. For those who don't know who King George III is, he was the King of England during the American Revolution. (Americans and Brits alike should know who he is, at least I hope so anyway :) ) Scientists believed that he suffered from a hereditary blood disorder called porphyria which in most cases led to psychotic episodes. Although they don't know exactly how the arsenic got into the blood of the king there are several theories. One is that it came from antimony, which was in medicine given to him for stomach problems. Antimony is an element that was widely used throughout the centuries for many different things. Anyway they aren't 100% sure why he had such high levels in his body; they ruled out that it was sprayed on by past museum curators for preservation because of the high levels.

Of course no one has ruled out possible poisoning. I'm sure there were a lot of people that would have wanted him dead. He lost the colonies and the "sun was setting on the British empire", as the saying goes.

I don't know I just thought that this story was interesting. I have a love/hate realtionship with modern technology. I'm one of those people that struggle to keep up with technology. I wish I had a knack for it but, alas, I don't! I guess I'll have to rely on my other talents, whatever they may be. I still haven't quite figured them out yet. One day I hope to be technologically saavy. Maybe someday it will happen.

Just think about how empty that last "paragraph" would have been without the word technology.

More Bombings! (Attempted)

There were more attempted bombings in London today. I will never ever understand why people resort to violence to achieve their ends. What is blowing up people going to accomplish? Nothing! At least this time no one was seriously hurt. I feel for these people. It hasn't been that long since the last attacks and now they are getting attacked again. I don't know how they get back on the trains again. I think I would be walking to work everyday instead of riding the Underground. The Underground is massive. One of my co-workers is from England and he said that its as large if not larger than New Yorks subway system. That's big. We don't have a large subway system here in Baltimore. We have buses and we have light rail. Light rail really doesn't go that far although I think they are expanding it. The buses go just about everywhere which is good for commuters. I just wish these jerks would stop trying to blow people up. Its cowardly and all it is is making things worse for them in the end. I just get so angry and feel so bad when I hear about bombings no matter where they are taking place. I could never live in Israel. I mean they have bombings there all the time. Same thing in Iraq. I was sickened to hear about the children that were killed over there. I don't know what I would do in a situation like that. I remember on 9/11 I was completely flabbergasted. It was so unreal. I have a sense of security now, no matter how false it may be. I can't imagine what its like in other countries where this happens on a regular basis. Now I feel like I am just repeating myself. I hate that so in closing, yeah thats it.

Divine Inspiration

That is what I'm hoping for right now. My boss isn't here, he has a meeting at another campus so I don't really have anything to do. I put all the New England Journals of Medicine in chronological order already this morning. I thought it would have taken me a lot longer than it did. It only took about 10 minutes. Yesterday I was so angry with myself. I had to put some grant information into Excel which I did, I then sent it to my boss. I had a funny feeling that I attached the wrong file so I looked at it. It was blank. No Problem, I'll just attach the new one, right? WRONG! I forgot to save all the information. I could have sworn I saved it, so I had to re-enter all the information. I was not happy. That meant I had to stay and extra half hour after work. Not too bad I guess.

In other "news", Maggie is and inch away from kicking John out. I can't say I blame her. He lost his job, which was his fault, but they, being her and Longo, still let him move in with them. He has since gotten a temp job, which is good as long as he keeps up with is bills. They offered to pay the bills for a month or so until he got a job. Seeing as though he has a job, albeit a temporary one, he can still pay a third of said bills. He decided to go out drinking the other night, which is expected of most 22 year olds. However, he chose to drive home, completely trashed, he ran out of gas, and to top it all off a cop pulled up behind him and asked him what the problem was. Well, he reaked of alcohol so naturally the officer gave him a breathalizer test and all that hub-bub. He failed with flying colors! He then proceeded to call his father, who used to be a lieutenant in the sheriffs dept. The cop let him off as long as someone came and got him. His dad came and got him and his car was towed. I'm sorry but that really angered me. One thing I don't like is drunk driving. It's all well and good when you want to hurt yourself but you are putting multiple people at risk when you get behind the wheel intoxicated. My mom did that and nearly took out a house a couple years ago. It's just irresponsible. Now John's father, who is moving back here from Maine wants Maggie and Longo to kick him out so that he has no choice but to move back in with his father. The problem is is that John is on the lease which would mean that the lease would have to be broken which costs money. They could always have Dave move in but he's weird and I don't think Maggie is at all comfortable with him. Longo can't stand him but is nice to him because that is the type of person he his. So we shall see where this situation ends up.

On a brighter note, I saw the girls yesterday. They are too cute for their own good. Poor Morgan with her arm still in a cast trying to throw a paper airplane. Too funny. But she did it. And Zoe just being the little cuddlebug that she is. I hope that when and if I have kids, they are as cute as those two are. I'll get to see them again on Saturday at Jeffery's party. I still don't know what I'm going to get that child. I'm so used to buying stuff for little girls. Oh well, whatever I get him I know he will appreciate. Thats the type of kid he is. I remember when he was born, makes me feel so old! Ah, well thats what happens, people grow up. (Profound statement wasn't it?)

Thats all I got for now. Maybe tomorrow I will have something interesting to talk about. I hope so anyway.

The House

Well the house officially belongs to my parents. They were really worried about having enough money for the closing and all that. There was a tax lien put against my stepdad which he never knew about. I thought that when a lien was put against someone, they took their income tax checks? Most people that I've talked to about this have said the same thing. I don't know why they didn't do that, I mean he didn't even know there was one against him until 2 weeks ago and this is from back in the early 90's. Didn't make sense to me. It's all done and over with which is good. It was so draining. When I finally buy a house I hope I don't have to go throught nearly as much as they did. I didn't come to work yesterday because of the closing; I just wish I could have gotten a couples of things done.

On Saturday it's Jeffery's birthday party. I don't have any clue as to what to get a 5 year old that has just about everything. I think I'll get him a gift certificate to Game Stop or EB. He's really into video games so by getting him that, I don't run the risk of getting him a game that he already has. He's really into comic books too but I think his father would get more enjoyment out of them than he would. I really don't like getting kids video games. Not that there is anything wrong with video games, its just that they have enough so I like to get them books. Once again I don't know what he has and what he doesn't have so I would wind up getting hima gift certificate from a bookstore. Oh well, I have a couple days to figure it out.

Finished

I finished "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince". It was a great book and I can't wait to read it again. I'm not going to say anything more on the matter because I don't want to spoil it for people (Not that anyone else really reads this). Thats pretty much all I did this weekend. I didn't go to the movies but I did go to Maggie and Longo's house. I was there for like 10 minutes before I had a panic attack. I don't know why I get panic/anxiety attacks. I wish I did so I could avoid them. It's something relatively new to me. I've only had a handful in the past year so there really isn't any point medicating myself for them although when they do happen I wish I did have some medicine. All I want to know is what triggers them. I never know when they are coming or why so I don't know what to do to prevent them. Needless to say, Longo was nice enough to take me home. I feel more comfortable being home when they happen. I guess it all has to do with the comfort level. Jason came up yesterday to look at Mr. Mikes motorcycle. I think he's gonna buy it. Good for him. He needs to pass the test first. He failed getting his permit once already. I don't know if I'm going to be at work tomorrow because Mom and Mr. Mike are settling on the house. In a way I hope I am and in a way I hope I don't have to come in. I just wish they would hire me full time with benefits and all that. I am one of the millions of Americans who do not have any type of health insurance. It's a shame that citizens of the "wealthiest" country in the world can't afford basic health care. I don't want a hand out although I think that ALL people should be entitled to receive health care no matter how much they make. People are dying everyday because of lack of decent health insurance or because they are so far in debt because of medical bills. Its a shame. I wish there was something I could do about it but I've written just about every person in the government when it comes to health care reform. I get nowhere fast. Anyway that was my rant for the day. It just upsets me that there are so many people out there not just here but throughout the world that are dying and suffering from diseases that are curable and/or treatable. I thought we would be somewhere with this by now but I guess I was wrong. If I ever make a lot of money (which is unlikely but still) I would try and do something about it. Whether it take a couple of people off the street and get them insurance or what ever. I know I am being idealistic. I've been told that for years especially when it comes to my political beliefs. Thats enough for now. I think I am just making myself more angry the more I write.

Letting My Dorkiness Show

Yes that is what I am doing. I am anxiously anticipating the release of book 6 in the Harry Potter series. For those who down this, I suggest actually reading the books. They aren't just for kids. That is the only defense I care to give for this. My sister in Virginia is getting the books tonight at midnight. She reserved a copy for me which I thought was super nice considering, well she didn't have to do that. She bought me the last book too. I think I'm going to have to get her something extra throughtful this year for her birthday and Christmas. She is always getting me really cool gifts. I guess I'm easy to please I don't know. I mean for my birthday she got me tickets to Velvet Revolver. This isn't the first time she got me concert tickets for a special event. A couple years back she got me 2 tickets to Aerosmith for Christmas. That was really nice of her since she didn't have the best job. I only wish I could get her something equally thoughtful and nice. I got a couple of months to think it through. I just don't know what I can get her. She's really into working at the Renaissance fairs in the area and of course Harry Potter. I really don't know what she listens to because I'm not around her. I know she like Billy Joel and there is no way I can afford tickets to him when he comes around. I'll have to do some research. I'm supposed to go to the movies tonight to see the remake of "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory". I can't though which is really going to piss some people off. I have to get the house in order since the contractor is coming to inspect tomorrow. My sister really isn't much help so I have to do it. I'm going to stop at Target to get some cleaning supplies and then its off to the store to get some other things. Then its all cleaning from then on. I hope I can get to Maggies later though. I think I should be able to. Cassie wants me to help her study tomorrow for history. I don't know how much I can help her. I mean she is having a difficult time with the material which really isn't her fault. The teacher isn't exactly the best. He seems to be more preoccupied with studying for his Ph.D., which isn't a problem but if you can't take the time out and touch base with your students, then why are you teaching the course? I know because I had him last semester. I got an A but that wasn't because of him. That was because well, I am a history major so I am familiar with the material. I hope this semester when I'm taking research writing that the teacher is better. I'm kind of dreading it because I don't know what to expect. I know its research writing and that I have to do research and write about it but thats all I know. I wish I would have taken some summer classes. That way I wouldn't be going through this waiting now. I didn't know where I was gonna to be living so I figured I would wait until I knew. Guess I should have just signed up for it but hindsight is always 20/20. I hate cliches but I can't help but use them. I remember in my English 101 class years ago that my teacher said she hated cliches but couldn't help using them. It's part of the American lexicon unfortunately. Oh well, what can I do? It's too late to stop now I suppose. No matter how hard I try. Speaking of cliches, I read that the most annoying cliche is "at the end of the day". I can think of more annoying ones but I won't share. Thats it for now I suppose. I will let Harry Potter consume my thoughts for the next couple of days.

Crush

Just sitting here are work right now. I actually had something to do today which was good. It kept me occupied for a couple hours. I was grateful; it was a welcome change. I have a crush on this guythat works here. Actually he works on the other side of the building but he has a southern accent which I usually don't like. When I think of southern accents I think of rednecks but not him. And he is at least 10 years older than me. He's probably married too; or gay. Ah well that is why it is called a crush. I probably wouldn't like him if I got to know him because I don't know, I'm trying to make myself feel better. I thought I had to go to a birthday party this weekend, which I was dreading cause I just want to stay home this weekend if I can. Luckily, the birthday party is next weekend. That works out well for me. I don't think I'll be able to stay home the whole weekend though. I promised to go with a few friends to see "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory". I mean I think its gonna be a good movie however I think there are other movies that I would want to spend the money on to see first. I think I'm gonna stop by the library on the way home so that i have something to do. I am dead tired though so maybe when I get home I might eat some dinner and then get some sleep. I stayed up way too late for me last night. I get up at 5 am and I like at least 5 hours sleep. I didn't get it. I had this weird dream though. I was on vacation or something like that with my step-brother, his wife, and the rest of his family. I was rooming with people I apparently knew but I don't recognize them. Anway I was there with this guy and my friends; we walked out side and for some reason I went back into the hotel and stood in the shower. It wasn't running but it was like I was hiding from someone. When I peaked out from behind the shower curtain I saw someone killing one of my friends. Next thing I know I'm screaming, and my step-brother come running over asking whats wrong. I tell him and he doesn't believe me, so I show him and I'm crying hysterically. Sarah comes over and asks what is going on and I tell her and she starts screaming. Then I woke up. Just a weird dream. Well time to head home.

Mitch Hedberg Quotes (R.I.P.)

Damn! This guy was funny. Why do the funny ones have to die young?

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

"I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top."

"I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring”

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience

"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.”

"I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for ME."

"I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel like human beings tonight? Then he said How many of you feel like animals? And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question."

"A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap."

"My roommate says, I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom? It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first."

"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She made it half way. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down."

"This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty."

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right."

Sidenote

Like I said before I was watching the Live 8 concert this weekend. Audioslave came on in Berlin so I was all excited because I love Audioslave. I was thoroughly disappointed! Chris Cornell sounded like crap! I don't know if his voice was strained or what. Furthermore, they covered a Rage song, "Killing in the Name of", which made me nauseous. My sister wanted to continue watching, mortified though she was, while I clamped my hands over my ears wondering why they did this. They also covered a Soundgarden song, "Blackhole Sun", which was equally atrocious. It made my skin crawl. Here all this time I've been wanting to see Audioslave, because it doesn't look like Zach de la Rocha will be coming back anytime soon, I am soooo glad that I never wasted my money on that show. The only reason I would go is because of Tom Morello. I think he is a fantastic guitarist as well as a kind human being. I wonder what Zach was thinking or of he even watching Chris Cornell butcher his song which has such a deep meaning. I can only imagine he was as appalled as I was. Ugh!! The thought still makes me nauseous. I hope I never have to see or hear anything like that again. Those poor Berliners!

On the other hand I was totally impressed by Pink Floyd. I only wish they would tour. I would love to see them. Nothing like seeing a bunch of old guys on stage still working it. It sounded great. The Who (well Roger Daltry and Pete Townshend since they are the only 2 left), Jay-Z and Linkin Park, and surprisingly Madonna were all very good. I'm not a huge Madonna fan. I wouldn't buy her cd's or go to a concert but she did well. Thats all for now

HMMMMM

Well I had a good enough weekend. Friday was the bull and shrimp roast to benefit Juvenile Diabetes. I didn't know that was what it was for. Jenn and Shelley just told me that I had to go. I tried to get Heidi to go but of course she blew me off. I think that the next time she's like please come down and hang out I'll blow her off. It really upset me. When I don't feel like going to her house I do it anyway because she's family and I feel bad if I don't. I probably won't blow her off anyway. I always say I'm going to do stuff like that but I never do. Anyway it was fun to hang out with Jenn and Shelley. I miss hanging out with them however I couldn't replace my best friend Maggie. Maggie and Jenn can't stand each other so I try not to cause friction between them. Saturday I just stayed home. I needed to do that because it has been so long since I could just stay home and not have to worry about going anywhere. When I didn't have a job, I was always home and had nothing to do, now that I have a job I always have something to do. Odd how that works out. Ali and Paul came up on Saturday and we hung out, watched the Live 8 concert, which was really good. I would have liked to attended either the London or Philly shows but oh well. On Sunday we had Andy's christening party to go to. I didn't really want to go to that either because I feel out of place there. It's nothing against Mike and Sarah. Its just I feel like an outsider because well, he's my stepbrother and all. Its hard to explain. Then I went home and watched National Treasure. It was decent enough however some of it had really bad acting. It was bizarre. Now I am back at work. Just sitting here typing rattling on about my weekend. Not that anyone cares. I've just been doing a lot of thinking here lately and have come to the realization that there needs to be a change and the only person that can make that change is me. And I need to get the ball rolling soon. I'm wasting away my life and before I know it, it will all be gone and I will have nothing to show for it. So today I am starting something new. Hopefully I'll be able to stick with it and things will work out. On a brighter note, Morgan only has a hariline fracture in her elbow so she won't need surgery. Poor kid, she needs some calcium. Those kids are forever hurting themselves. Zoe just got over a broken foot and now poor Morgan has to have her arm in a cast for 3 weeks. But at least she's gonna be alright which is definitely a good thing.

Why I Hate Message Boards

I hate message boards because people don't know how to have intelligent discussions. You get these people that aren't at all interested in whats going on or giving their opinion as to whats going on in the world. They are full of profanity; I'm not talking about damn, shit and the such, what I mean is all they do is say things like "I wipe my baby's ass with the bible, torah , quran". It's uncalled for. They must be kids or people with nothing better to do with their time. It just gets under my skin that there are people out there seem to care about nothing but themselves. Occasionally you find intelligent people discussing whatever they want to discuss but most of the time its just kids dayinf "funny" things. Clue: They aren't funny. Make fun or insensitive comments about what happened yesterday in London isn't funny. We wouldn't like it if people were making fun of us when 9/11 happened although I am sure there were some that did. I just wish people would be a little more sympathetic or empathetic to the people that are suffering. That goes for any people that are suffering wherever they may be. Maybe this is just me being a cry-baby liberal but sorry thats just how I feel. I think that if people were a little more compassionate then maybe this world would be a better place. Maybe world peace could be realized. Yeah, I know thats being idealistic. That is one of my faults I guess. Anyway I have to go out tonight. Hopefully that will be fun. I'm gonna try to talk Heidi into going since mom doesn't want to. And she gets along well with Jenn and Shelley. Ali and Paul are supposed to be coming up. I don't know when; either today or tomorrow. Andy's christening is on Sunday so thats why they are coming up. Well, I guess thats it for now. Just needed to rant and rave for the day. Who knows maybe I will come back and find something else to bitch about.

London Calling

My stomach did a flip when I heard what happened in London today. Not a good flip either. My prayers go out to the families and friends of those who were killed or injured in those senseless acts of cowardice today. I can only imagine what it is like over there right now. No one should ever have to experience this kind of tragedy. It makes me sick to read that of course Al Qaeda has something to do with this. Just goes to show that nothing has changed in that past couple of years. Cities are still being blown up and the lives of people are being torn apart. I just don't know what to say. I am so upset. I wish there was something I could do for those people. I can only pray for a day when we as a people won't have to deal with this sort of thing anymore. I can't wait for that day. It's terrible and I'm at a loss. I hope that no other attacks occur. I know how the British are feeling right now as do the people of Spain, Israel, etc. They have joined the club, sick club that it is, of countries that have been devastated by terrorist actions. I just wish they would stop and realize that they aren't punishing the right people. By no means to I mean to imply that anyone should be the victim of terrorism. What I mean is that Al Qaeda is against all governments that aren't like theirs or do not adhere to their beliefs. They are killing everyday people that were just going to work, seeing a friend, going to school, just living life. All they are doing is making things worse for themselves. They are gonna get theirs and when they do I hope they realize how much pain and agony they have put so many innocent people through. I wish they would stop and actually think about what they are doing. Last time I checked, murder was a mortal sin, and I don't think it is acceptable in any religion. Religions over the years have done their fair share of murdering, but by priniciple they aren't supposed to. What makes them think it is ok to kill people? I want to know and when they capture these cowards, which I hope will be soon, maybe they can give us answers. I just want to go home and cry. I feel so bad for these people. It's something I will never understand. People never cease to amaze me at how they find new ways to kill. It makes me sick.

Getting On My Nerves!!!

I am going nuts here. I don't know if its just me or what but people are just getting on my nerves. Especially my mother. I think I need to go away for a day or so. I don't know where I would go but I need to go. I am tired of the complaining (which is odd because that is all I seem to be doing lately) I am tired of the constant hemming and hawing. I wish she would lose her license. I know that sounds harsh but she cannot drive. All she does is yell and flip people off for doing the same things she is doing. I thought we were gonna get it yesterday when we went down this street and there was a tractor trailer blocking it. He was lost and needed to know where to go and both my mother and my aunt yelled out the window calling him an asshole and flipping him off. As we went down the street and turned to another we hit a red light. Sure enough the tractor trailer was behind us and I thought for sure we were gonna get hit. He put the TT in park and jumped out and yelled at my mother and my aunt. I can honestly say that I don't blame him because they both need to chill out. It's ridiculous. I mean they are in their 50's now. You would think that they had more patience. And then this morning my mom says "You would think that since this park is right next to the police station that they would arrest them all for vagrancy", talking about the homeless people in the park. I said "They don't have anywhere else to go". She turned around and said "They have shelters and if they can't get into shelters oh well. It's their fault they are homeless. I mean most of them are probably drug addicts and alcoholics". I didn't know what to say to that. How could someone lack that much compassion? So what if they are alcoholics or drug addicts? That doesn't make them bad people. It just means that they have a problem and they need help. It really makes me wonder you know. If she was homeless I'm sure she would want help. And she's an alcoholic. My jaw just dropped and I didn't say much after that. She talks about my aunt being racist, which she is, but she is doing basically the same thing. Most homeless people would rather have a home and food to eat. I don't like to see people on the street either but they don't have anywhere else to go. The shelters kick them out at 6 am, where else can they go. She said "Maybe when they leave the shelter they should go look for a job". How can they get a job without having a place of residence? I'm just fed up with people being so rude and cold. It makes me want to cry to hear my mom talk about people like that. I wish I could make her see what they go through everyday. A lot of them also have mental problems and they aren't getting the medical help that they need. Poverty is a world wide problem. And its one that has been going on for centuries. You would think that since there is so much money out there, that poverty would be wiped out by now. No its not and its because of the attitude of the people that could help and don't. If I had the money I would feed as many of them as I could and try to help them out as best I can. But one person isn't enough. Other people need to get involved. Thats my rant for the day. It's gonna eat away at me for the rest of the day. I'm just so angry with her for saying that. I wish there was a way that I could make her understand. We could have been homeless so many times if people hadn't come and bailed us out. Maybe these people didn't have anyone to bail them out. Oh well. Time to go because I am just getting angrier the more I think about it.

Same Stuff

The same stuff as usual. Not much going on. I talked to Frankie yesterday for a little while. He woke me up. He really didn't have that much to say. I think he just was bored and knew I was home so he called. He proceeded to tell me that he got high. I don't care if people get high (marijuana) but I just think he's being stupid considering he is in the military. Doesn't he think that they're gonna test for that. I think he's regretting signing away his life for x amount of years. But maybe he should have thought things through better. In a way I am glad that he joined the military. It's scary to think of where I would be if he had stayed home. We were inseperable for two years and then he was gone. I was forced into living without him and I am so glad I was. I think I would be in a very bad place now if he would have stayed and the same goes for him. I mean he still is in a bad place right now but I think if he wouldn't have gone into the military it would be a lot worse. He had to grow up and so did I. We were sheltered as kids and we didn't do a lot of the things normal teenagers do like party and the such. He was a band geek and I was just a geek. I still am come to think of it but I have accepted my geekiness and I appreciate it. I wish things were different now but I think I like where I'm heading. Sure I would like to be involved with a really great guy but I guess for now I'm alright. I need to stop wasting my time pining for losers. I tend to do that. I need to get out and do something. I think that is why I force myself to go to Heidi's parties. I have to admit that the one on Sunday was the best yet. I had such a good time and it was like old times hanging out with Jenn and Shelley. I miss them alot. I know things went awry for a while but things seem to be getting better. I hope they continue. Things could be a lot worse and I'm hoping they just stay where they are or continue to rise. I'm ecstatic about school and I came to the realization the yes it was my fault. I made mistakes and there is no excuse for them but I'm fixing them. I can't wait til the next semester starts. I'm kinda hoping this guy who was in my math class last semester is in the one this semester. That would be great. He was really nice and he's smart which is always a good thing. I am done with stupid boys. There is nothing there when you like stupid boys. All they do is get on your nerves. I just hope I can be happy. That is what I want for everyone. Happiness and no regrets. Strike that no regrets. Everyone has regrets whether they admit it or not. There is always something that a person will regret. I know I have a couple things that I regret but I won't get into that. That is just something I will keep to myself.

The Weekend

Well I helped Maggie and Longo move this weekend. It went as well as could be expected. I learned something though. I will NEVER own a ferret! They smell so bad I was about to throw up. And it wasn't because of the cage because I watched her clean it out. So I helped them move boxes and the such. I really didn't have to help with the really heavy stuff. Longo and Hairy John did all that stuff. On Saturday night they had a "housewarming" party. No one showed. Bill said he was on his way but he never got there, Angie cancelled as did Frankie. John showed up which was cool because I haven't seen him in forever. I fell asleep by 12:30. It was just a long day and no one was really in a party kind of mood. On Sunday I came home long enough to shower and get ready to go to Heidi's party. I called Frankie and gave him directions and then I called Jenn to see if she wanted to go. She said yeah but she wanted to bring Shelley. I told her that was fine because, well, the more the merrier. So we got there around 7. We picked up some beer on the way and just hung out. We were the first people there. Slowly people started to show and before we knew it, there was like 50 plus people there. There was this guy there that I met last week named Keith. He seemed very nice and all but alas he was with another girl. Incidentally, this girl he just met last week. Some of the people that were there said that they wanted to hook them up. Oh well, thats just life I guess. It was a great party. Everyone had a good time. I got a little tipsy but that was ok because I wasn't driving. Frankie of course never showed. I left several messages as did Jenn and Shelley. The last couple I got a little nasty because I was drunk and upset at the fact that he didn't even bother to call. So I called him yesterday and he said that he had fully intended to come to the party but when he got home, he fell asleep and didn't wake up til 3. I was just like ok whatever. I mean I am tired of asking him to go places and he willingly accepts the invitation but he never shows. Its just ridiculous. So I'm going to stop inviting him places. He's not going to show up anyway so why bother. Yesterday, the fam just hung out. We got some crabs and chicken and just chilled which was good because I didn't feel like going anywhere. And now today I am at work. I really need to get some sleep and I don't think I will be getting any this weekend. On Friday I'm going to a Bull and Shrimp roast, on Saturday Paul and Ali are coming up because on Sunday its Andrew's christening. It just seems like one thing after another. Hopefully this week goes by pretty fast and I stop feeling like crap. I just feel sick. I woke up at 3 a.m. on ther verge of a panic attack. I managed to calm myself down and relax. But I couldn't get back to sleep. At least I can sort of control them now. I don't rush to the hospital for it anymore. Heidi and Mr. Mike helped me out with that. I don't know why I get them. Sometimes they just happen. But like I said at least I am working on getting a grip and managing them as best I can. I just wish I knew why I get them. They didn't start til I quit smoking. Maybe that has something to do with it. I don't know. Ok that enough for the time being. I can't wait to go home and get some sleep.

Fun-Filled Weekend

(Note the sarcasm) There is a lot I have to do this weekend. I have to help Maggie and Longo move into their new townhouse today and tomorrow. Tomorrow is their "house-warming" party a.k.a. just a party where people get drunk and not much else. I love my friends I really do but I hope there is someone intelligent to talk to. I mean Dave Sorrick isn't exactly the most intelligent person in the world. Anyway on Sunday I'm supposed to go to Heidi's. I have to call Frankie to see if he's off and ask if he wants to go. I just don't want to go by myself. I need someone to talk to and really I don't have anyone there I feel comfortable talking to. I mean I love love love meeting new people but its just hard for me to get to know then because I'm on the shy side until I get to know people better. And on Monday I think I'm just gonna stay home. I really don't want to go anywhere so I think I'll just get the crabs and maybe have a person or two over so. We'll see. I need some sleep and I don't think I'm gonna get very much this weekend. Next weekend I have to go to Andy's christening. I'm surprised Sarah is even having him christened. She's a little weird when it comes to religion although Mike goes to church and all that. Next weekend is also Jason's birthday and Aunt Lynn's birthday. Heidi suggested going up there on either Saturday or Sunday to surprise her. I think that would be nice. She hasn't been right since her stroke so I think she would like that very much especially since she hasn't seen the kids since Uncle Frank died and that was 2 years ago. They have grown up so much since then. It's hard to believe. They are too cute for their own good too. I can't wait to have kids. I just love them to death. (Not in the creepy way though) I would adopt like 20 kids if I had the funds to do so but I also want to have some of my own. I want to know what its like to be a mother in that sense. To carry a child and all that stuff. But I will most definitely adopt kids if I can. Its a shame that there are so many kids out there that don't have a home and feel unwanted. If I can help a couple of them then thats something good. I wish more people would adopt kids and not just babies. It's sad how many kids are out there that live in foster care their whole lives because when they go up for adoption, they aren't young enough. Its just sad. There are so many things wrong with the world and it just seems to be getting worse. I know that war and disease happen and they are necessary for population control but that doesn't make in good. I wish there was a way that more people could get involved with their community and the rest of the world for that matter. I think people are more selfish now than they ever were. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. I heard a "funny" fact on the radio this morning. The artists that are performing at the Live 8 concerts aren't getting paid but they are receiving "gift baskets" filled with $1000 suits and various other things. The bag they are getting is worth $3000. I'm sorry but shouldn't that money be going to help people who are starving? I hope that I'm not the only one out there that is bothered by this. I mean they expect everyday people to shell out money to go see them to support the cause meanwhile they are getting gifts worth thousands of dollars. Doesn't make much sense to me but who am I? No one is going to listen to the little people. It just makes me so angry!