Not So Good

Unfortunately things haven't been going all that well the past month or so. Keith and I broke up yesterday. I knew it was coming...things have been off for a while. It was mutual but I can't say that I'm not hurt. I'm hurting a lot right now...I wish it had worked out. On a brighter note we agreed to be friends. He just can't deal with everything he is along with dealing with a relationship. The timing was off...had it been a couple years ago or if things were going better on the homefront, then I think it would have worked out. Maybe I'm just making excuses...it's hard. I really cared about him and I don't think I told him enough. I was actually in love for the first time in my life. Scary I know...I guess I'll just have to deal with it. We've been through a lot in the past year. He's dealing with a lot with the cancer and him trying to face that. I wish I knew how he was feeling but I don't. I wish I could just make things better but I can't. It's hard because I wanted to be. I'm a fixer. I don't like drama all that crap. I'll get over it I'm sure it's just going to take a while. I don't think he really knew how much he meant and still means to me. I've accepted the fact that he might not be here long but you know he was worth it. I don't regret anything that's happened with us aside from me not opening up more. I guess it's something that I can say I learned and work on. I would much rather be home but instead I'm here at work. I need to decompress and try and forget about it a while. He told me that he still wants me around...he loves that I come over to help Devin with her homework and we hang out. After we talked for a while and got what we needed to say out it was like it used to be. I'm really going to miss him though. It's going to be hard seeing him and not being able to see him. Don't know if that makes any sense at all. I took it a lot better than I thought I would. I didn't cry until after I got home and it really hit me. Well that's all I have to say at this point...Here's some music I've been listening to:

"Thnks Fr Th Mmrs" Fall Out Boy: Yeah I know they're emo-tastic but I really like this song. I like the lead singers voice.

"Smack That!" Akon: This song's been out a while but I still like it.

"Clothes Off!" Gym Class Heroes: Another band you could say was emo but this song is great. It sample a great song from the 80's and the lead singer from Fall Out Boy sings the chorus.

"Rockstar" Nickelback: It's just a fun song to sing to especially when you're in the car.

"Big Girls Don't Cry" Fergie: I'm not a huge Fergie fan but I really really like this song. In light of recent events it has more meaning to me.

"Better Than Me" Hinder: Great song...and once again another song that holds more meaning for me at the moment.

"Breath" Breaking Benjamin: See above...same reason

"Forever" Papa Roach: Once again see above.