Mulling Things Over
I've been doing a lot of thinking about a lot of things in my life lately. Especially when it comes to relationships with my friends and others. We are taught that most things happen in cycles; the seasons, rain, etc. I find that relationships go the same way, at least in my life they seem to. I have lost a few friends to the military; a few meaning 2 so far but I also "lost" friends because they married or are engaged to people in the military. Now I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with being in the military because there isn't. It's admirable in my opinion to put your life on the line for your country.
That said, I question how healthy the military is for people. The ones I know are never the same when they come back out. It's weird, I don't know how to explain it. Maybe things happened that I don't know about. I would hope that they would talk to me if they were having a problem. It upsets me so much that the wonderful person that I knew before is a mere shadow of the person that they have become. One person in particular really hurt me by going into the military.
He didn't give me any warning whatsoever. He called me at work and said guess what I did today and proceeded to tell me he joined the Army. This was pre 9/11 so I guess maybe he thought that odds were best that there wouldn't be any sort of major conflict that would put him in danger. I was extremely upset about this. I know I cried for weeks because we were so close. I remember when he left, it was probably the most heart breaking thing that had happened to me short of my grandmother dying. I got over it though. But then he called a couple of months later and said that they were shipping him to Korea. He spent 2 years there and this was after 9/11 when all that stuff was going on. I couldn't have been happier when he told me he was coming home. When he got here I quickly realized he had changed so much that I barely knew him. We have seen the best and worst of each other but he isn't the person that left in June 2000. And now since he signed up for the guard, he has to go to Iraq in October. The person that I knew wouldn't want to put himself in harms way, the person that I know now is looking forward to going because of the money.
I know that money is important and people need it to survive but I just can't understand why anyone would want to give up their life for money. It just doesn't make sense to me.
What brought all this on is that my best friend, Maggie, and her fiance got into a huge fight yesterday over what else but money. He said that she puts too much emphasis on getting th bills paid. All she wants to do is prevent them from losing the place they live in and all that stuff. He said that she held him back when they first started dating 4 years ago when she said that she could not be with someone who was going into the military. This was before things got serious and they were seeing other people. He said that he wasn't going to go in because of 9/11 and that because he was falling for her. Now all of a sudden it's her fault. If I see him anytime soon it would take a lot for me not to say something to him about that. So now to keep him, she had to consent to him joining the military. She set conditions one of them being that he cannot join the Marines or Navy. And when she asked him if he still loved her he said no and then changed to and I don't know. I don't think he loves her anymore. I know that it is not my deal but I look at it this way...his gut reaction was to say no. If he did still love her, he would have said yes without thinking. At least this is what I think.
So now she is all upset because it is inevitable that she is going to have to move at some point during his military career. She doesn't really like living here but she likes it because her family and friends are so close. And she also wanted to start going to school. It is something she has wanted to do since she left high school but never could afford it.
This is the point of this entry as far as I go and its selfish but this is the reason....I am tired of losing people to the military. I am petrified they are going to get hurt or that I will lose touch with them which has happened before. It is completely selfish and I know but this is how I feel. This is why it takes me a while to become friends with people. The moment I get used to them being there, they are gone. All I've ever wanted is a friend that I could say that I have had for almost ever.
I don't know....now I'm just complaining. I should be grateful for the time I spent with them and get on with it.
That said, I question how healthy the military is for people. The ones I know are never the same when they come back out. It's weird, I don't know how to explain it. Maybe things happened that I don't know about. I would hope that they would talk to me if they were having a problem. It upsets me so much that the wonderful person that I knew before is a mere shadow of the person that they have become. One person in particular really hurt me by going into the military.
He didn't give me any warning whatsoever. He called me at work and said guess what I did today and proceeded to tell me he joined the Army. This was pre 9/11 so I guess maybe he thought that odds were best that there wouldn't be any sort of major conflict that would put him in danger. I was extremely upset about this. I know I cried for weeks because we were so close. I remember when he left, it was probably the most heart breaking thing that had happened to me short of my grandmother dying. I got over it though. But then he called a couple of months later and said that they were shipping him to Korea. He spent 2 years there and this was after 9/11 when all that stuff was going on. I couldn't have been happier when he told me he was coming home. When he got here I quickly realized he had changed so much that I barely knew him. We have seen the best and worst of each other but he isn't the person that left in June 2000. And now since he signed up for the guard, he has to go to Iraq in October. The person that I knew wouldn't want to put himself in harms way, the person that I know now is looking forward to going because of the money.
I know that money is important and people need it to survive but I just can't understand why anyone would want to give up their life for money. It just doesn't make sense to me.
What brought all this on is that my best friend, Maggie, and her fiance got into a huge fight yesterday over what else but money. He said that she puts too much emphasis on getting th bills paid. All she wants to do is prevent them from losing the place they live in and all that stuff. He said that she held him back when they first started dating 4 years ago when she said that she could not be with someone who was going into the military. This was before things got serious and they were seeing other people. He said that he wasn't going to go in because of 9/11 and that because he was falling for her. Now all of a sudden it's her fault. If I see him anytime soon it would take a lot for me not to say something to him about that. So now to keep him, she had to consent to him joining the military. She set conditions one of them being that he cannot join the Marines or Navy. And when she asked him if he still loved her he said no and then changed to and I don't know. I don't think he loves her anymore. I know that it is not my deal but I look at it this way...his gut reaction was to say no. If he did still love her, he would have said yes without thinking. At least this is what I think.
So now she is all upset because it is inevitable that she is going to have to move at some point during his military career. She doesn't really like living here but she likes it because her family and friends are so close. And she also wanted to start going to school. It is something she has wanted to do since she left high school but never could afford it.
This is the point of this entry as far as I go and its selfish but this is the reason....I am tired of losing people to the military. I am petrified they are going to get hurt or that I will lose touch with them which has happened before. It is completely selfish and I know but this is how I feel. This is why it takes me a while to become friends with people. The moment I get used to them being there, they are gone. All I've ever wanted is a friend that I could say that I have had for almost ever.
I don't know....now I'm just complaining. I should be grateful for the time I spent with them and get on with it.
posted by Kyleen at 11:25 AM
1 Comments:
I'm sorry to hear you've lost so many friends to the military, but you're absolutely right.
It does change people.
After Elvis died in '77 I think it was, someone asked John Lennon his thoughts on Elvis' passing and Lennon replied, "Elvis died when he went into the Army."
I've seen that happen with my friends, too.
I could bitch about this much longer but I'll stop here =)
Don't feel selfish though - what you're feeling is right, it's totally not selfish.
Post a Comment
<< Home