Going OK

Things seem to be going alright. They are still having trouble getting dad off the ventilator but they said that he did improve over the night. They actually took it out yesterday but his blood still wasn't getting enough oxygen. I went up to the hospital to visit him yesterday but once again I was 5 minutes late, thanks to shoddy directions from security at the entrance. They sent me to the wrong floor. So when I got up there the nurse said that she just gave him something to knock him out. I was no good after that. I just wanted to see him awake you know? It was really really hard to see him hooked up to all those machines. Now I know why he didn't want me up there on Monday. He would be so upset if he was awake and saw me upset.

Well anyway, Jimmy called and told me to tell my sister to not call the hospital. The nurse asked him to do that because they are just too busy. I hadn't called since yesterday and to my knowledge no one else has either other than Amanda so I just called and told her not to call. I talked to Alison and gave her the # to the hospital but had to call her back and tell her not to call because they can't tell who is calling. To make a long story short, no one is to call there except Jimmy and if anyone has any questions, they are to call him. Thats fine because I would rather talk to him than a nurse anyway. I don't understand half of what they're saying when I talk to them.

I stopped by Heidi's yesterday on the way home from the hospital to see how Morgan's first day of school went. She said she didn't like it because she had to sit on the carpet all day. Then she turns around and says I think I got a rash from there. I can see this year is going to be tough. She thought that when she was in daycare that she was going to school and sometimes Heidi would let her stay home. Well she can't do that now, so we'll see how she takes it. I think once she gets used to it, she'll like it. She loves making friends and all that stuff so she should be ok. Heidi's been working at the Marriott for a conference this week. She'll have a decent paycheck when all is said and done. Considering she doesn't have a steady job, this'll help out a lot.

I'm starting to look forward to Saturday. All the people that are going to be there are good people. I still haven't talked to Kenny or Jenn to find out if they want to go. I kinda lost Kenny's business card so I have to call his house. He still lives at home, like most of us do, and I'm scared of his parents. I'm always scared of people's parents. Frankie's mom used to hate me. She thought I was a drug dealer. Don't ask me why, I have no idea how she came to that conclusion but once Frankie went away in the Army she realized that I wasn't a drug dealer and she started to like me. I've never had problems with any one else's parents but that first and hopefully last instance was all it took to scare me. Well, I'll have to call him at some point, I don't want to be rude and all. Jenn will probably come along because she had a lot of fun last time. So did Shelley. Shelley was invited too I just have to remember to remind Jenn.

Well thats all for now. Hopefully, by the end of the week, dad'll be resting comfortably and maybe by the middle of next week he'll be home. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Over

Well dad came out of surgery doing really well. When I called last night, they said that he was still on the ventilator which is normal because of the surgery that he had. They said that some people come off it sooner than others and that he'll probably have it out today. I'm just glad he did well and everything is right on. I can't thank Jim and Doug enough for all that they did. I mean they didn't have to call me yesterday to let me know what was going on but they did which I am extremely thankful for. I'll call a little later to check up on him to make sure everything is still going well. I want to give the nurses a chance to get their stuff together because right now is around shift change. I'll probably head up there after work if he says its ok. I don't want to upset him.

What else is there.......not much really. I talked to Frankie yesterday. He's supposed to go to my cousins Labor Day thing this weekend with me and Jenn and maybe if I can get a hold of him, Kenny. We'll see if he shows though. Last time he didn't and we were worried and then angry once we knew he was ok.

I'm going to the Renaissance Festival on Monday. That'll be fun. I haven't been there in a couple of years but everytime I go I always have a good time. I hope the "Theater in the Ground" is there. It's basically a giant mudpit where these actors, who are supposed to be pick pockets and other riff-raff put on famous plays, only they shorten them and add their own spin to it. Its really a lot of fun to watch. They also have Shakespeare in 10 minutes which is like theater in the ground only no mud. Jason and Gage are going along with us. They went to Medieval Times for Gage's birthday and they had a great time. I've never been but it always looked like fun. They just opened up here about a year or so ago.

I think the next couple of days are going to be nasty and rainy because of Hurricane Katrina. I'm just glad I don't live anywhere near the Gulf Coast. I feel so bad for those people. I saw video of the Hyatt hotel in New Orleans and all the windows were blown out. It reminded me a lot of what the front of the Murrah building looked like when Timothy McVeigh blew it up. It was eerie. And the water is so high. Parking lots are flooded, basically everything is flooded. We occasionally get threatened by a hurricane here but usually by the time they get here they are tropical storms which can still cause a lot of damage. 2 years ago a hurricane came through and completely flooded Fells Point. People had to be rescued by boat. I'd never seen anything like that in this area. I've seen it in the south and all but not somewhere I was familiar with. Anyway the people affected by this disaster are in my prayers.

Just got off the phone with the nurse. She said that they're having trouble weaning him off the ventilator because of oxygenation, basically the blood isn't getting enough oxygen. They said it was from all those years he smoked. But you know I think he'll be off it soon. He quit smoking over 5 years ago after nearly 50 years. I was so proud of him when he did that. Both of my parents are/were smokers. I was a smoker for 4 years before I quit. I'm glad I did. I hope that my mother will quit again too. She quit for a couple of months but is right back to smoking again. I wish there was a way for people to quit smoking that was 100% effective. It's not only nasty but harmful to yourself and others. Yeah I know everyone knows the dangers of smoking but it seems more and more people are starting. It's a shame.

Well, thats all for now. Gotta get some stuff done.

Good News So Far

On Friday, I headed to the hospital and got there shortly after 7:15a.m. When I got to the floor he was on, and let me tell you Hopkins is huge and extremely confusing, I found that they had already taken him back. They directed me to the family waiting room where I found my 2 older half brothers. My dad is in his late 60's and has 3 kids from his first marriage which means that I have 2 half brothers and a half sister that are a lot older than me. Jimmy is 48, Doug is 47, and Cheryl is 46. They are old enough to be my parents but anyway thats not the point. I don't feel comfortable around them. Jim and Doug were there waiting in the waiting room. They brought dad to the hospital so they'd been there since before 6 that morning. Jim told me that I had missed him by 5 minutes. That upset me. I started to cry at that point, I didn't want to cry but I couldn't help it. All I could think was that if something went wrong, then I didn't get a chance to say good bye and I love you to him. But they told me not to get upset. My sisters weren't coming til later so I was there with them the whole day. It was very odd. I see them once a year around Christmas and thats never comfortable either.

Anyway, dad's surgery took about 2 hours and everything went well. I went down to the lobby to call Ali and Amanda to tell them that dad was out and doing well. I got a call from mom saying that Amanda got lost. It was too funny but she finally got there. I got to see him shortly after he got out. He didn't look good but I mean he just had surgery. What did I expect? I just don't think I was prepared to see him that way, you know? I don't think anyone is really prepared to see a loved one look that helpless. Anyway I stayed with him for a while, and then I let him sleep.

He looked a lot better on Saturday although he was still in ICU. They were trying to get him a room which he couldn't wait for. There were only 2 visitors at a time allowed back in the ICU so we had to take shifts sort of. On Sunday, he got his own room so I headed back up there to hang out with him and keep him company. He was doing really well and I don't think he was all that nervous for today. He asked me not to come up there to see him today though. He doesn't want us to see him hooked up to a machine and all that stuff. I won't go up there because the last thing I want to do is get him upset. It's taking a lot for me not to go though. My brothers are there and they're going to give me updates when they know something.

It's going to be a long day, but I'm hopeful. Considering how quick he seemed to bounce back after Friday, I take it as a good sign that he'll bounce back relatively quickly from this one too. Someone has to stay with him for a bit when he comes home. Jimmy is going to stay with him for a while and then we'll work something out. I'll get down there as often as I can. I'll make time for it.

Alison finally made it up to see him Friday after sitting in traffic in D.C. for nearly 3 hours. I'm glad she went up there to see him. She doesn't always see eye to eye with dad. I don't either but I look at it this way, he's my dad and nothing in this world is going to change that and I love him to dearly no matter what's happened throughout the years.

Anyway, thats all for now. I'll know later how things went with this surgery but I'm sure he'll be fine.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow Dad is having his operation. I think everything is going to go alright. I hoping anyway. I don't think I'm going to do anything but hang out with him this weekend so he doesn't get so lonely.

The weather these past few days has been GORGEOUS! It's so nice its almost criminal to be inside. It's not supposed to rain again until Sunday evening. I just want to spend all my time outside. It's really unusual for it to be this nice in August. It's almost September though so that could explain a little of it. Still, September here is pretty warm, the beginning is anyway.

Well I think thats all I'm going to write today. I'll write tomorrow once everything is over. I'm being optimistic about everything so......

Interesting aside about the word so. I read a while ago that girls use so more often when it comes to stating something and transitioning. Just a little bit of fun trivia. Although it would probably be more helpful if I could remember more of the article. Anyway thats all. :)

"Tracking the Monster"

I watched the documentary "Tracking the Monster" last night. If anyone isn't familiar with it, it was about the global AIDS epidemic but centered on Africa which happens have more people infected with the disease than any other continent. It followed actress Ashley Judd to Madagascar and singer India Arie to Kenya. Miss Judd went to talk to prostitutes about the AIDS epidemic and educate them on protecting themselves. Miss Arie went to see some of the slums surrounding the city of Nairobi. I have to say that this was one of the most heartbreaking films I have ever seen. Everyone knows about HIV and AIDS but when you see the devastating effects it has had on the population of Africa, it forces you to wonder why there isn't more help available to these people. I learned a lot of interesting facts throughout the program such as 600,000 people a day die in Africa because of AIDS. It makes me sick to think that these people are suffering and there is so little aid out there for them.


While Miss Judd was in Madagascar, she spoke with a group of sex workers and toured their "homes". Their homes were nothing more than a piece of plastic attached to some sort of structure. This is where they took their clients. There were quite a few young ones. By young I mean teenagers. Teenagers! There was one there that was a worker but she was also a peer educator. That means she would go around to various streets and attempt to teach the girls about safe sex.

Madagascar doesn't have a large population that is infected with HIV but they are headed there. The reason there are so little cases is because 1.) people infected are afraid of the consequences of revealing their status and 2.) they are an island, with very few visitors. Miss Judd finally gets some of the women in the peer group to go get tested. Surprisingly, all of them were negative. There was one woman there who was 6 months pregnant and she was terrified she was HIV positive. She wasn't scared so much for herself but for her unborn child.

Miss Judd also convinced an HIV positive woman who was not a prostitute to talk about her situation. She wasn't sure how she got HIV. She doesn't know if she got it before she was married or after. Her husband is also HIV positive along with one of her children. That's how she found out, when her last child was born and turned out to be positive. Neither she nor her husband know which of them had it first. Their other children are not positive, Thank God. She said that she probably has a little bit less than a year to live and at that point she started to cry. I couldn't help but feel so bad for this woman. Their culture is so different that they don't talk about HIV and AIDS. They know its there but once again ignorance comes into play. They think they are safe when in fact they aren't. My heart really went out to her and her family.

India Arie was in Nairobi, Kenya touring some of the slums as well as distributing some bare necessities. She helped feed the many children that have been orphaned by AIDS as well as some of the sick citizens themselves. These kids get one meal a day 5 days a week. They don't have enough money for weekend meals. She sang and played the guitar for an HIV positive man who was extrememly ill and also used to be a very good guitar player. He really liked it.

She also spoke with a 14 year old girl names Celine that was orphaned by AIDS. That was really sad. She was this little girl singing and dancing, leading the other children in the song but there was just something about her that spoke to India. She talked with her and India's mother, who at one point asked Celine what she wanted. She said she wanted a bag to carry her books in. Arie's mother asked her what else she wanted and she said that she wanted to leave with them. I couldn't help but cry at this point. This poor girl was living in hell, and I mean Hell. I would have done anything to help her whether it be smuggle her out of the country, whatever, just something. Arie went back a couple of days later with a bookbag full of clothes and shoes because most of the people there didn't have shoes and they were walking around in sewage. Celine was so happy. I mean you would have thought she received a house, thats how happy she was. There were so many children there that have no one. I wanted to go right over there and bring them all here.

India went to several slum settlements throughout Kenya. She went to this one where she was helping feed some of the sick and she met this woman named Imaculate who was 29 years old with at least 3 kids. She could barely move. She had sores all over her face and in her mouth. They were so painful she could barely eat. Anyway she could speak a little English and India asked her how she got infected. She said that her husband like to sleep around, more or less. Her children didn't know and they didn't say what happened to the husband. I can only imagine that he probably passed away already. She had made memory books for each of her kids so that they knew their family history. They knew who their parents were and when their birthdays were. That was another heartbreaking moment. Then you read shortly after that interview ended that 3 weeks after the interview, she died, orphaning her children.



After watching this I felt so useless. I wanted to do more than donate money. Money is important as far as testing, drugs, food, etc. But these people need humanity. They needed someone to talk to, someone to lean on. I wanted to be there for them and I know I can't be. I wanted to take each and everyone of those kids and bring them here with me. Thats not the answer I know but thats how I felt and still feel while I'm writing this. It really puts things in perspective. We live in a country where yeah the government isn't the best and yeah we still have sick people and homeless people. But its nothing like it is over there. I wish more people were sensitive to this issue.

What Was He Thinking?!

Pat Robertson, a Televangelist and host of the "700 Club" actually advocates assassination?! Apparently he does because while he was on the air, he began to talk about Venezuela and its president, Hugo Chavez. I thought one of the 10 Commandments was "Thall Shallt Not Kill". I'm right, it does say that. Why would a person who is committed to God say such a thing. He didn't say it like people say they are gonna kill people for example: "I could kill you for not taking out the trash". I don't know something stupid like that. But no he was talking about the government assassinating a foreign leader. I know that U.S. government has done that in the past although most of the citizens didn't know it was taking place, or whatever. This is the problem with fundamentalism. Christian fundamentalists are no different than Islamic fundamentalists when it comes to killing. Apparently its ok to kill as long as it's for God. I don't think God is ok with that. I can't speak for Him but I'm pretty sure he doesn't want that happening. Just think what kind of world it would be if people were going around killing others because they don't agree with certain things. I mean in some parts of the world that's going on and people are fleeing those countries. I don't know, it just upsets me that someone who is supposed to be preaching the word of God is advocating murder. He said it would be cheaper than waging a war. Idiot!

I don't know whats wrong with people, I mean come on. Its just like those who're criticizing Cindy Sheehan for wanting answers. When I look at the casualty list and see the ages of those who've died it makes me sick. I know that not only older people fight in war but I see more and more young people there than I do older. They barely had a chance to live their lives but they gave it up for their country. That is something special. Shouldn't people remember that sacrifice and ask themselves was it worth it? I think that in the future more and more people are going to feel like Cindy Sheehan. Why did their son/daughter have to die? It's ridiculous. I can only hope that one day people see how much this war was. Whether people like it or not it's starting to look more and more like Vietnam. I hope we realize this and do the right thing. So many have suffered because of this that more shouldn't have to.

I know this all sounds preachy but I can't help it. I've been against this war from the start and my mind hasn't been changed. More people need to get out there and demand answers and bring those fighting home. I don't want to see any more people suffering although it's inevitable that they will. War happens and its supposed to be a necessary part of life but you would think that by now we would've learned our lesson. War is never the answer.

Tasks

I finally got all my laundry done! On Friday, Jenn came by and visited. It's been a while since we hung out. Then we went to Target because there really wasn't anything better to do. So we walked around there for a while. I picked up "Anchorman" and the new Gorillaz cd. Once again people should watch/listen to things before they purchase them. I really like "Anchorman". It was supposed to be stupid so I didn't expect anything amazing. The jokes were funny and my fav character had to be the dog, Baxter. On the other hand, the Gorillaz cd isn't that great. I think I could have spent the $13 on something better. I also picked up "Almost Famous". I forgot how much I liked that movie.

On Saturday I stayed home and did laundry and got things in order. I still have work to do out in the living room and kitchen but I tackled my space.

Yesterday, I went once again to Target but this time I had to get a filter for the vacuum. I picked up some new sheets while I was there because I was in dire need of new ones. I have a few pair but after a while, you need to throw them away and get new ones so thats what I did.

Other than that nothing really went on. I talked to Frankie for a little while on Saturday. He's supposed to come with me to my cousins on Labor Day weekend but we'll see. The last time he was supposed to go he never showed. On the 5th I have to go to the Renaissance Festival. Since Ali is working there, she got us tickets so we have to go or it'll be all for nothing.

Dad has his first surgery on Friday. I called him today to find out what time it starts and all but I got his machine. I'll call him when I get home, or I'll get his cell number from Amanda. He changed it when he left his old business so I don't have it yet. I hope he's feeling good about it. I have a hard time getting a hold of him so....

Well thats all for now. I don't plan on anything else exciting happening but we'll see. If it does I hope its only good stuff.

Prayin in Protest?

It's soggy out again today. I think fall is going to come early this year. Hey, I'm not compalining as long as fall isn't short it's fine with me. All's quiet here, nothing much going on. I'm learning how to do more stuff on Grant Manager which is good because if I don't get to keep this job, it'll help me out when I apply for another one, that is if it's a school that receives state and federal funding.

SPOILER WARNING
Ok, I was reading the news this morning like I do every morning, and there was a story on there about a nun who is praying in protest of the filming of the "The DaVinci Code". She's not the only one, there are others, and there are still those who feel that the author, Dan Brown, is taking on religion. Once again I am going to state the obvious, it is a work of FICTION. He isn't taking on religion really, just the holy grail. I'm a catholic although I'm not practicing and I didn't find anything in the book offensive. Maybe it's because I'm not a practicing Catholic but I know others who go to church and all that and they read the book and didn't find it offensive. Yes, there is some strong subject matter and yes, it does talk about a real organization, Opus Dei, and the author is critical of them. It is fiction though. I mean come on people. Why is it people read a book thats subject could be seen as controversial and blow it completely out of proportion? I thought the book was good. It was a good story and a different take on an old legend but I don't think for one minute that its real. I mean who knows it could be I guess but I don't know. I like the idea behind the book. It's something I never heard before although this isn't the first book to talk about this theory. There was another book, "Holy Blood, Holy Grail", written in the late 70's early 80's that expands on the theory in the book. I would think that most Christians wouldn't care if Jesus was married. I mean it doesn't change what he did. It doesn't to me. I believe he did what the Bible says he did and I don't think the subject of whether or not he was married has any bearing on those miracles.

I'm getting away from my point. Why are people so hell-bent on protesting this book? There are so many other REAL things that we should be protesting but no, people are worried about the filming of movie based on a best selling book. It's like what happens with those people that object to Harry Potter. I mean its all fantasy. It's not real. It's just a story.

Censorship will get you nowhere. I remember years ago when they wanted to ban "Huckleberry Finn" along with other books because of words in the book. A lady somewhere actually took the time to count how many times a certain work in "Huckleberry Finn" was used. Did she actually read the book? No! She just counted how many time that word was used. If she would have read the book, then maybe she would have changed her opinion. I will never understand people when it comes to this subject. People need to be more educated about subjects they are taking on before they launch a full blown attack on it. Most people that have read books like "Huckleberry Finn" or "Slaughterhouse 5" understand the perspective that the book is speaking from. Why ban things that we learn from? I would much rather my child read whatever book and come to me with questions about it than go to someone else or base his/her opinion on what other people thought of it.

Free thinking individuals are happy individuals.

Something Different

Ok, since there really isn't anything new today I think I'm going to comment on something. It has to do with the war in Iraq so if you're sick and tired of hearing people gripe, moan, or ahout about this subject, move on.

I've been reading alot about the mother of a fallen soldier and her attempts to speak to the president. All she wants is for him to sit one on one with her and explain what is going on. Can you honestly blame her? I mean if it was my child that was killed "serving his/her country" I would want an explanation. Now I know what your probably thinking: Well when he died she seemed satisfied with the president. Why did it take her a year to get to where she is and what made her change her mind? There are probably a million reasons why? One is that maybe she is sick of seeing and hearing about people dying in a war that was supposed to be done with. After all, the president declared the mission accomplished. Another reason could be that she doens't want to see anymore families put through the hell that she's been put through. No one would wish that on their worst enemy. ( well I hope people are decent enough not too) Or maybe she has put a lot of thought into the situation and realized that her son did die for no reason. That probably angered her more than anything. I know if it was my child that was murdered I would be beyond consolation. I don't know what her true reasons are but I do know that the people that're attacking her are wrong. Most of them don't know what its like to lose a child for no reason. There might be the exception out there but more than likely that isn't the case.

People need to be a little more sensitive about who they are criticizing. This woman's child gave the ultimate sacrifice: his life. There is no way he can come back. There isn't enough money in the world that could make her feel better about her son's death. The only thing that she feels can help is to talk to the president and try to understand why we are still there and what he's going to do about it. It's the least he could do for the mother of such a giving person. He would have to be giving, I mean after all he's not here because of it.

I know there are a lot of families out there that have felt the pain that this woman is feeling and perhaps they disagree with her. I don't know any of them. But I do know that nothing can heal her pain or theirs for that matter. Maybe they should question why their loved one died for something that shouldn't have started. I know its a touchy subject but the more I think about it, the more angry and upset I get and I don't know anyone that's died so I can only imagine how they feel. I hope I never feel what they are feeling and yeah I know that sounds selfish but would you want that? I doubt it.

Ok, I'm stepping off my soapbox now. I don't know if there was really any rhyme or reason behind what I just wrote but its what I'm feeling right now. It makes me nauseous to hear people attack her personally because of what she's feeling. Of all the people to be angry with, she's one of the, unfortunately, many that shouldn't feel that anger. Maybe they should try and put themselves in her shoes and attempt to understand whats going through her head.

Another Dreary Day.

It's one of the those days you just want to stay home in bed tucked comfortably under the covers. I think today I will tackle the pile of laundry that is slowly starting to take over my room. I hate getting behind on laundry, especially socks. Anyway thats all the complaining I'm gonna do today. I was looking at some of my past posts and I seem to do a lot of that so I promised myself that I was going to try to keep it at a minimum.

I found a funny story in the news this afternoon though. It takes place in England and it involves a man wearing a diaper who approaches people and asks them if there are any baby changing facilities around. I don't know about people sometimes. I think if I was approached by anyone other than a baby wearing a diaper I would fall over laughing. I get this image in my head of a commercial that I saw once for Jerry Springer and there was a man in a diaper on that particular show. Too funny. I can't stand Jerry Springer but you can't deny that he's something. How does one go from being mayor of a city to a smut talk show host? Only in America I suppose.

Here's another funny news story. Well more like World's Most Stupid Criminals. A man in Georgia was arrested for burglary. He was caught when the police reported to the residence and hit the redial button on the phone and found that he called his mother while he was robbing the house. Stupid. I just hope he gets what he deserves for it. I'll never understand people.

Well those two stories seemed to brighten my day just a little bit. The first more than the second because of the imagery. At least there was something semi-humourous in the news today. Something to break up the monotony of death and destruction.

Disconcerting

I got some disconcerting news this weekend. Well its disconcerting to me anyway. A friend of mine, Brandon, got married to this girl, Lisa. That should be good news but if you knew Lisa you would understand why I find it so Uh! Brandon is probably one of the sweetest guys I know. I don't get to see him often but when I do its always a good conversation. I used to go see him play with his band when they were still together. They were good too. I miss going to see them play but bands break up especially when siblings are involved. Anyway I was talking to an old co-worker of mine and she told me the news. My stomach dropped and my jaw hit the floor. I used to be friends with Lisa until she started talking behind my back. I still don't know what I did to her to make her do that but I'm not the first person that she did that to. So needless to say we don't get along but since I don't have to see her or anything, she's never in my mind. Kim, my co-worker, said that they were dating 2 weeks before they decided to get married and it was another 2 weeks after when they did. They are an odd couple if I ever saw one.

This definitely explains why Brandon never called me. I told him the last time I saw him that Lisa hated me, which she does and I told him that we didn't get along. He was supposed to call so that they could hang out with us before Frankie left for Iraq. (He was supposed to go a couple of months ago) Shortly after that conversation was when he hooked up with her. It's just one of those things I'll never understand. I can only hope for Brandon's sake that things work out. I would hate to see him get hurt by her, knowing Lisa like I do though odds are best he will. I probably won't see him again. I only ran into him once every couple of months anyway so there you go.

Other than that piece of news, there isn't anything else going on. Ali never came up so and she leaves tomorrow for PA so I don't know when we're going to see her. I'm supposed to go visit her before the end of the summer, which is rapidly approaching, but I don't know when I'll get the chance. I'll give her a call later today before she leaves.

I haven't heard from Frankie in a while which really isn't surprising. He doesn't call unless something happens. I just got off the phone with Jenn and we're supposed to hang out on Friday. I don't know about that but we'll see. It depends on how the week goes. Maggie invited me over on Friday but since I had to go buy my books early Saturday morning, I decided not to go. Lucky for me I didn't because apparently everyone got drunk. I can't deal with a whole house full of drunk people, I can't tolerate it like I used to. So it was better for everyone that I wasn't there. If I would have gone, I would've stayed for a little while and then I would have made my way home.

"Sin City" comes out tomorrow. I think I'll buy it since I've heard good things about it. I think that the only good thing thats coming out this week. I'll have to check on it.

Still can't believe that Brandon is married.

A Little Too Quiet

No one's here today so its a little to quiet for me. Not that I like a lot of noise but it's just eh. It's these days that the clock seems to creep by. I don't know what's going on this weekend. Probably nothing much. Just hang out at home, maybe rent a movie. I don't know whats out so I'll have to look. I think Ali is coming up this weekend to stay for a couple days and then she's heading to Slippery Rock, PA for a Renaissance festival thing. I don't know if it's a festival or just a whole but of people dressed up in Renaissance style garb. I was supposed to go with her but that would mean that I would have to dress up or stay in the tent the whole day so I don't think it would have been too much fun for me. At least she was nice enough to ask me. Since she moved, we really don't talk all that much. I hope she moves closer to here within the next couple of years. I like having my family near me. Her and Paul have been debating on where they should move but they don't want to make any decisions until they both know where they are gonna be working. He works in D.C. and she's been trying to get a job there so they can figure out what their future is gonna be like.

I need to do a lot of things around the house so thats what the weekend days are going to be filled with. Vacuuming (if I can fix the vacuum cleaner) and all that stuff. I'm pretty good at fixing vacuums, I don't know why, I think its just because I've been fiddling with them since I could push one around. However, I don't think there is that big of a market out there for people whose talent is fixing broken vacuums. * If anyone is ever playing Hangman, Vacuum is an excellent word to stump people. I don't think there is much else for me to do. Frankie didn't call this Wednesday which I was so thankful for. I didn't feel much like going anywhere.

I have to go get my books tomorrow for school. They're going to be rather expensive. For 2 books if I have to get them new are gonna cost around $200. If I get them used, then I might get them half price. That's what I'm aiming for, I owe rent and have to pay some other stuff.

Thats all I think thats happening. If something changed or happens then I'll have something good to write about. I feel like I'm repeating myself when I write here sometimes. I don't like repeating myself but I find myself doing it constantly. (Like I just did) I'm going to stop writing now so I don't reiterate myself. (I love the thesaurus!)

Chillin'

For now I'm just going to try and relax. No need for any stress. I have to get in this mind set. I need to stop worrying about things that are out of my control. Not much has happened in the 2 days since I last wrote. I had to go to the hospital for another anxiety attack. I went to a different hospital because the one I went to for the others never told me what to do about it. I went to the hospital because I don't have insurance or the money right now to make an appointment to see a regular doctor. I hate going to the hospital for something that stupid but I couldn't get it under control this time. Anyway he gave me something for the anxiety until I can get to a doctor. I have to find a new one considering the one I used to go to doesn't practice anymore. She was my pediatrician.

So after I find and doctor, that doctor will refer me to a psychiatrist. That really upset me because I'm not crazy and I don't want other people to think that I am. I don't know why I get these stupid attacks; I wish I never did. I'm having a hard time finding out how to get help without having any insurance. My job right now is temporary but they haven't even put out an ad for the position I'm in. I want to talk to my boss about hiring me on permanently or even contractually. Actually I am under contract right now but it's up next June I think. In that contract they said nothing about insurance so I don't know how to go about approaching him about it. If I could take a full credit load at school I could get on my mothers insurance but since I was stupid and squandered valuable time when I was there the first time, I'm on restriction. Restriction means that I can only take up to 6 credits per semester until I get my GPA up. Hopefully if I get good grades this semester and next semester I will be let off so that I can take a full credit load. Then I will be one step closer to having my degree.

I don't know what I really want to do with my history degree. I know I want to be a teacher. That is something I have always had on my list of things that I wanted to be when I grew up. And I don't mean to sound greedy but a teachers salary doesn't exactly get all the bills paid. And there are 2 months that I won't be working. What would I do then? So I was thinking that I could do two things at once. Like teaching high school during the day and teaching college at night and in the summer. But if I want to have any sort of a life, then I would have to change that. And one day I hope to be married and have kids although I gotta work on getting a boyfriend first. So that can be put aside for now.

I don't get out enough to find a boyfriend, although I was approached at the movies last weekend by a guy. He was creepy though. He wanted me to go out with him later that night; yeah I know that doesn't sound bad but he was in the military and was only hear for a couple of days so that made me suspicious. Besides, I'm one of those people that like to be friends with the person before I would consider dating them. Thats just how I am.

I don't even know why I wrote that. No one wants to hear about it. I just need to get something off my chest. Thats the point of writing in a diary anyway.

"It's just a diary and everyone knows they are full of crap"~ Bridget Jones Bridget Jones's Diary

Crappy Weather

It's rainy here today. One of those days you want to just stay home and sleep the day away. I really didn't want to wake up this morning. I was hoping that I just got up too early and that I would be able to sleep longer. Not so lucky. I know we need the rain but it's still not fun when its all dreary outside. It reminds me of one of those fall days when you want to just curl up on the couch with a bowl of soup or a mug of hot chocolate and watch a movie. I think thats what I'll do when I get home. Sounds like a good idea to me.

This week already seems to be going at a snails pace. I feel like it should be Thursday. Guess it's just going to be one of those weeks. At least I get paid this week so I can go get my books. I really don't want to get new ones if I can help it because they're mad expensive. Actually so are the used ones but at least they are slightly discounted. I'm extrememly nervous about my English class: Research Writing. I know I'm going to need it but that doesn't mean that I'm going to like the class. I haven't really written a paper in years and I think I might've forgotten how to do it. Ah well, it'll all come back to me I suppose. I just want to get it done and over with. I don't know anyone that has taken the class so I don't know what to expect. At least with my math class I know what I'm getting into (a little anyway). I'll find out soon enough. Maybe by looking at the books I'll get a better idea as to whats gonna happen. Hopefully I'll be able to get them either Friday or Saturday.

"Digging for the Truth" is my new favorite show (educational). I heard about it but I've never actually sat down to watch it. I did this weekend while I was feeling under the weather and really liked it. This Saturday coming up they're going to have a few more episodes so I should be able to catch those unless I have something to do during the day, which I don't as of right now. The one I caught this past weekend was about an iceman they found in the Alps they called Otzi. The host went to where they found him to find out how he lived and how he could have died. He concluded that Otzi died because of wounds inflicted on him by others; he was stabbed a couple of times and shot with an arrow in the back, blood loss being the cause of death. Anyway it was really interesting and the host seems to pull out all the stops as far as retracing foot steps to get to the bottom of things.

Tomorrow is Wednesday and I'm supposed to go out with Frankie. We haven't hung out in months. I kind of miss him coming over but then again I don't. I don't really want to because I know he is going to want to go to a bar or something. I don't like going out with him because he doesn't know how to control himself. And when he gets drunk there is no reasoning with him. He gets violent at times and that's just something I can't handle. Oh well maybe he'll just come by and watch a movie or something. I still have his "Serial Mom" DVD. I don't think he'll ever get it back. I've had it for 2 years and since he's going to Iraq, I don't think he'll be needing it. He'll probably forget anyway. He has a bad memory unless it pertains to something that he finds funny or embarassing about another person. He's the type that like to pick on people. After being friends with him for 7 years, I've grown immune to it. It doesn't bother me anymore.

Maybe tomorrow won't be as dreary as today. I haven't checked out the weather so we'll see.

Yawn!

I am so tired. I can't seem to get enough sleep. I stayed home form work on Friday because I wasn't feeling well and truth be told I'm still not feeling great. I did get out to see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". I have to say that I prefer the older one. I mean it was basically the same story, and don't get me wrong I love Tim Burton, but I just thought it could have been better. I did like how they substituted squirrels in place of the geese that laid golden eggs. That was pretty funny. The oompa loompa scared me a bit. I say oompa loompa because they just hired one actor and cloned him to make a bunch of the same person. And his acting name kinda threw me off. His name is Deep Roy. It sounds like he put his real name into one of those porn name generators and out came Deep Roy. Kinda creepy. And of course the little boy who played Charlie was adorable, but I like him in "Finding Neverland". Other than that I just stayed in.

Maggie called me yesterday and said "I have to go out on a date soon. I think I'll ask Sorrick out". Sorrick isn't the best person in the world for many reasons and there are about a million reasons why she shouldn't go out with him. One is that she doesn't even like him. She said the only reason she wants to do it is so that she has some sort of finality with the Longo situation. I told her she doesn't need to go out on a date to have that. It is over with her and Longo and he has made that abundantly clear and so has she. I think the sooner she gets out of the house the better off she's gonna be. But she's gonna have to move back in wiht her dad and she hasn't asked him yet considering all the stuff that happened with him last week. Thats all the drama that's happened lately.

Well thats it. I'm going to continue staring into oblivion until its time to go home and sleep or something. Oh, Frankie came by after going to Virginia for the Guard this past weekend. That was a surprise. He hasn't come by the house in months and for some reason he decided to stop by. I wasn't exactly the best host so he didn't stay long. I didn't have much to say and since all he wants to do is drink, I'm not the best person for him to hang out with. According to him I'm not fun anymore. Thats just because I don't drink anymore. I might have a beer or 2 once in a great while. Other than that its water and sometimes soda for me. Oh well, people grow up and apart. I've learned that lesson over the past couple of years. I thought we were going to be friends for ever if not more than friends but he has proved time and again that those things iwll never happen. And I'm glad that I found out when I did rather than investing any more time into the relationship than I already did. I'll just have to learn from my mistakes and hopefully I won't repeat them.

Change of Plans

My dad is now having his surgery on the 26th. The doctor said that an artery in his neck is completely blocked so they have to go in and unclog it before tehy can do the bypass surgery. So he'll have that one on the 26th and then have the bypass surgery either the 28th or 29th. I'm just praying that he'll be alright. If it was super serious, they probably would have scheduled the surgery sooner. But still I'm a little on edge about it. I know he's gettingup there in age (he'll be 69 in October) but you are never really prepared to deal with a parents illness. My mom and stepdad have also had problems this year so its starting to take a bit of a toll. My mom had an endoscopy today and they said that she has something called Barrett's disease. I just know that it has something to do with the esophagus. If its not treated, it could turn into cancer. Lucky for her they caught it early. But they did find some signs that she might have cancer of the throat. It doesn't surprise me because she's been smoking for 35 years. She "quit" earlier this year when she had surgery but she has been starting back up since she got out of the hospital in April. She was doing really well but I can't be with her 24/7 and I knew she would buy a pack to "help her through the day". For a month or so now she's been smoking fairly regularly and there isn't anything anyone can do about it. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to tell her. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens when all this is sorted out. Ok! Enough with the medical crap. Time for some good news.

On the bright side, Maggie's dad had the surgery yesterday and he did well. They said that it is highly unlikely that he'll lose the eye and that he probably won't lost all the vision in that eye. It won't be the same but at least he'll be able to see. They said that he might be able to come home today. So all is good for now with him. He has to take it easy for a while but other than that he should be back to work in a couple of weeks. Knowing him he'll go back sooner; he hates not doing anything.

On the subject of "The Aviator". I thought it was alright but I wouldn't say it was worth spending the money that I did on it. It was really interesting, the stuff about Howard Hughes, but I wasn't really familiar with him in the first place. The movie just kind of ended. There wasn't much resolution. I like a bit of resolution in the movies I watch. I hope they don't make a sequel, although I don't think there's much to be said other than he went crazy and died sometime later. I read a short biographical article on him so I know a little bit more about him than I did. I'll just have to watch some of the tried and true that I have already for entertainment. Nothing wrong with that.

"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out"

It's really not a funny story but here goes....Maggie calls me at 5:30 a.m. upset. I figure someone died or something but she tells me that her sister, Amy, called last night because their dad had to be rushed to the hospital. Why? Because he was vacuuming out a car and instead of going over to unplug the vacuum, he just yanked on the cord and it came back and hit him in the eye. She said that he was bleeding really bad and that they didn't know what was going to happen with the eye. They took him from Upper Chesapeake (I wouldn't take and animal there) to John Hopkins. He goes in for surgery later this afternoon. Hopefully everything goes alright. They said that there is a 70% chance that he'll lose his vision in that eye and a 30% chance that he'll los the eye altogether. He's a carpenter so I don't know if he'll be able to keep his job after this.

Just to show how funny this man is: He's alrady making jokes about being like Sammy Davis Jr., talking like him and all that stuff. He has a really good sense of humor about this. (Hence the title of this post) I think if I was facing something like losing my sight, even if its in one eye, that I wouldn't be cracking jokes. He's great and I hope he doesn't lose his sight. That wouldn't be good for him. It took him so long to get out of the rut he was in during his seperation and divorce I would hate to see him so depressed again. Although this is a mighty fine reason to be depressed. Knowing him he'll probably just continue cracking jokes, maybe even wear an eye patch which he will probably have to for a while. The kids'll love that.

Her sister Amy though should be smacked. I swear I have never met anyone so bossy in all my life. She was barking orders left and right like "Don't tell Grandma" and "Don't go to the hospital". She wanted them to go in shifts. Maggie left work early and can only get there right now. Later is not an option. I wish someone would have the nerve to tell her whats up. I would contemplate being that person but I'm not part of that family. I can't do it when it comes to my family. I like to play peacemaker. Anyway I'm hoping all the best for him and I hope he's back on his feet soon. Maggie's going to give me updates when she knows something.

Paid

School is paid for as far as the Fall semester goes. Thats a load off my mind. I was worried I wouldn't be able to pay for it. I was $55 short but mom came to the rescue as long as I pay it back which I will.....I don't like to owe people money. I feel bad about it. But thats done. I still have to buy books but I won't do that for a while. Last time I bought my books early they gave me the wrong history book and it took me a while to get the new one. They are way to expensive, books. I paid $75 for a used history book that looked like it was used to beat someone senseless. I hope this time around my books aren't that expensive. I still have to pay another bill for the dentist with my next pay which will probably mean the whole thing. That wouldn't be good because then I know I wouldn't be able to afford my books. Well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

On a slightly funnier note, my mom locked her keys in the car. I know its mean to laugh but I've done it and at the time you don't think its funny but a little while down the line it is. Well campus police came and tried to pop the lock. They were out there for an hour and he still didn't get it open. Some guy was walking by and asked if he could give it a try. It took him 20 minutes but he got it open. 1 problem....they broke the lock. Well thats what we think. You can't open the door anymore. The handle won't lift and when we rolled down the window the door opened. Fast forward to this morning; we go to leave only the door won't open at all, even if you rol down the window. I think they did something inside the door panel because the window doesn't want to roll down now either and you need to pull it up to shut it. So into the shop it goes.

Started watching "The Aviator" yesterday but didn't quite finish it. It seems alright so far. I don't know much about Howard Hughes. I guess I'll finish it up today and make my final decision on it. Now all I have to do is watch "Anchorman" which looks really funny but Maggie said it wasn't that great. I guess I'll have to form my own opinion on that. I don't know what movies if any are coming out this week but hopefully something good will. If not then I resort to a.) The Wedding Singer, b.) Bridget Jones's Diary c.) What About Bob. It's been a while since I've watched "What About Bob" so that'll probably be the one I choose. I'll have to look through my DVD's. I know one movie I won't be watching and that's "Duplex". I want the 2 hours back that I wasted on watching that.

Late

I woke up late today. I got to work almost an hour late. The good thing about where I work though is that I am one of the first people to get here so no one really knew I was late. I can't seem to get enough sleep here lately, I don't know what the deal is. I really didn't do much this weekend although I wish I had...Maybe next weekend I can convince some people to go out although my friend pool is shrinking. Perhaps I need to make more friends. I can't make any really at work because I am a little young to be hanging out with them. I don't know where to start. I don't really like making new friends rather I like making new friends but I don't like the process. I'm no good at it.

I have to go up and pay for classes today...its due tomorrow but I figure why not go and pay a day early so you don't forget. I'm excited about school this semester although I'm leery of Research writing because I don't know what that one is going to be like. I hope my math teacher is as good as the one I had last semester. He was really cool and he didn't make me feel stupid when I had a question. And he had a way of breaking things down so the class grasped it better. I don't know whats going on as far as the rest of the week. I don't think I'll be doing much except working and helping my friend with her history final. Thats due on Wednesday so it won't take up a lot of my time. Maybe I'll be able to get some of the other stuff I've been meaning to get done finished that way I have a free weekend. Thats an idea.