Chillin'

For now I'm just going to try and relax. No need for any stress. I have to get in this mind set. I need to stop worrying about things that are out of my control. Not much has happened in the 2 days since I last wrote. I had to go to the hospital for another anxiety attack. I went to a different hospital because the one I went to for the others never told me what to do about it. I went to the hospital because I don't have insurance or the money right now to make an appointment to see a regular doctor. I hate going to the hospital for something that stupid but I couldn't get it under control this time. Anyway he gave me something for the anxiety until I can get to a doctor. I have to find a new one considering the one I used to go to doesn't practice anymore. She was my pediatrician.

So after I find and doctor, that doctor will refer me to a psychiatrist. That really upset me because I'm not crazy and I don't want other people to think that I am. I don't know why I get these stupid attacks; I wish I never did. I'm having a hard time finding out how to get help without having any insurance. My job right now is temporary but they haven't even put out an ad for the position I'm in. I want to talk to my boss about hiring me on permanently or even contractually. Actually I am under contract right now but it's up next June I think. In that contract they said nothing about insurance so I don't know how to go about approaching him about it. If I could take a full credit load at school I could get on my mothers insurance but since I was stupid and squandered valuable time when I was there the first time, I'm on restriction. Restriction means that I can only take up to 6 credits per semester until I get my GPA up. Hopefully if I get good grades this semester and next semester I will be let off so that I can take a full credit load. Then I will be one step closer to having my degree.

I don't know what I really want to do with my history degree. I know I want to be a teacher. That is something I have always had on my list of things that I wanted to be when I grew up. And I don't mean to sound greedy but a teachers salary doesn't exactly get all the bills paid. And there are 2 months that I won't be working. What would I do then? So I was thinking that I could do two things at once. Like teaching high school during the day and teaching college at night and in the summer. But if I want to have any sort of a life, then I would have to change that. And one day I hope to be married and have kids although I gotta work on getting a boyfriend first. So that can be put aside for now.

I don't get out enough to find a boyfriend, although I was approached at the movies last weekend by a guy. He was creepy though. He wanted me to go out with him later that night; yeah I know that doesn't sound bad but he was in the military and was only hear for a couple of days so that made me suspicious. Besides, I'm one of those people that like to be friends with the person before I would consider dating them. Thats just how I am.

I don't even know why I wrote that. No one wants to hear about it. I just need to get something off my chest. Thats the point of writing in a diary anyway.

"It's just a diary and everyone knows they are full of crap"~ Bridget Jones Bridget Jones's Diary