Katrina: A Year Later

As most of us know in this country, on this day last year Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast. We've seen the devastation that this storm did to New Orleans and Mississippi and sadly a lot of that remains. I was listening to the radio this morning like I usually do on the way in to work and they were talking about how Americans want an immediate solution to whatever problem they are having. Well that's true. Americans want to get over it and move on as soon as possible. Replace what they lost...in many cases that isn't possibly considering the death toll. I was thinking "What if it was me down there?" "What if I was one of the hundreds, maybe thousands, that were stranded there on a roof top or in the Super Dome?" I would want to be able to go back home too. Who can blame people for wanting to go home? Many of them don't have a home to go to and are living in trailers in places they've never been before.

Unfortunately it becomes more and more apparent, at least to me, that race and economics played a huge part in the devastation of New Orleans. A lot of people would like to disagree and say that white people felt the effects of Katrina and lost a lot too. Well yes, that's true, but look at most of the victims that lost EVERYTHING. They are predominantly poor blacks. The Ninth Ward, a predominantly poor black neighborhood, was the hardest hit by the flooding. Look at most of the photos showing rooftop rescues and pictures taken at the Super Dome. You will see that the overwhelming majority of the people in those picutres are African Americans. I know it was a storm and no one could control it but there were ways to avoid some of the problems that caused the flooding like proper maintenance of levees and better evacuation strategies. In the aftermath of Katrina it's blantantly obvious that there were serious errors committed by government officials on every level; from the city's evacuation to FEMA's slow response. I look back at the pictures from this day last year and can't help but feel for these people. The pictures speak for themselves. The one that sticks out to me the most was one in Time Magazine. It was a sort of aerial shot of part of New Orleans and in the flood waters was the body of a woman...just floating there while people on the bridge looked on. There wasn't anything they could do...she was obviously dead. I can still see that picture clear as day in my head.

So here we are a year later and what's been done? Well the French Quarter has been reopened and the Super Dome has been fixed. Both are huge tourist attractions. I know the reasoning behind reopening the tourist spots brings in money but I can't help but think about the thousands of people that are still waiting to go back home. Many of them didn't have flood insurance. Many of them didn't own the homes they lost. It just seems to me that if it was me I would want to help the residents first before trying to attract tourists. It's called compassion. Like I said before many of these people lost everything and are currently living only because of the kindness of others yet the government seems so slow and reluctant to help these people. I know people should be able to help themselves but there are many out there that don't have the means to do so and no one is there helping them out. I'm getting preachy and yeah there isn't a lot that the average American can really do on a grand scale that will help these people. They can give money to the Red Cross and various other foundations but more often than not that money doesn't always go where you want it to go. It's a rough situation and unfortunately I don't see anyone coming up with a solution in the near future. I think it's going to take years and years to clean up and rebuild. Just look at the WTC site. It's been almost 5 years and people are still cleaning up. It's going to be a long process but I think there are ways to help alleviate the burden resting on the shoulders of many New Orleans residents.

Instead of spending billions and billions on a war, wouldn't it be wise to funnel some of that cash to the people of the Gulf Coast? I think that's an excellent idea. Sadly it's not going to happen. You know what else bugs me? There are many people in this country that are so gung ho for this war saying that we should spend more money on it to get the job done but when it comes to helping out victims of Katrina, they say that they're getting enough aid. If that were true, people would be moving back into New Orleans and the Gulf Coast of Mississippi. Katrina turned New Orleans and Mississippi into a war zone. We should be demanding that Congress do something and give those people back part of what they lost. I know money can't replace a life and many people lost their lives and many lost family but it would help them rebuild and get back some sort of semblance of normalcy. They won't forget but shouldn't they be able to get over it and start fresh? That's just a thought.

Just a Little Anxious

I'm starting to get those butterflies in my stomach...anxiety. I haven't heard from Frankie in a while. I'm hoping he's still coming home next week. I wish I knew. Knowing him though he'll show up the day he comes home at my front door like he always does. I remember when he supposedly came home for good 2 years ago from Korea. I had gone to bed early because I worked that day and didn't sleep the night before. I can't remember for the life of me what possessed me to stay up all night and work that day but something did. So when I got home from work I pretty much passed out. Usually we don't lock the front door at night but for some reason I did. I don't know how long I was asleep but I heard a knocking on the door. I was thinking "Who the heck is knocking on the door?" It used to be that people would always be stopping by the house to hang out and catch up but that hadn't happened in a long time mostly because all of us had jobs. So I got up and answered the door. No one was there but when I looked around toward the driveway I saw someone walking away. I said "Hey?" And Frankie turned around. I was so happy to see him and elated that he was ok. I'm a chronic worrier. I think I gave him the biggest hug ever...I'm not much of a physical contact type person but with certain people I'm ok.

You know it's hard remembering how I felt watching him leave the first time. I was upset when he joined and didn't approve but it wasn't my life. I didn't have a say in what he did with his nor did he have a say in what I did with mine. I remember the day he told me what he did. I think I've told it before but it's something that's just always stuck with me. He called me at work and said guess what I did today? I figured he got a new job or something but instead he said "I joined the Army". Needless to say I was devastated. I was calm til I got off the phone with him. After that I flipped out. We had been around each other so much I don't think we went more than a week without hanging out and now he was going away? It was tough for me to deal with and I still have a problem with it. I've gotten better over the years though. It's weird...after so long you just sort of accept it. I get excited everytime he comes home and I get upset every time he leaves. The first time he left for Basic I was no good. I felt like I lost my best friend which I basically did. Things were never the same after that. We wrote when we could and he called when he could. When he came home for visits we spent most of the time partying (Not the best thing to do but at the time that's what we did). A bunch of us would get together go out have some beers...just a good time. Then the time would fly and he would have to leave again.

When he went to Iraq this year it was surprisingly easier than it had been when he left before for Korea. You would think it would be harder since he was going somewhere there was an imminent threat to his life. I think a lot of that had to do with that he left here for Arizona and then after a couple weeks in Arizona they shipped him out. I didn't know the exact day he was leaving. There was really no way I could call him. He'd turned his phone off in anticipation of leaving for a year. So when I did get a call from him, he was in Maine waiting for the plane to Kuwait. He called when he landed in Kuwait and I was glad he got there ok. He didn't know where he was going to be once he actually got into Iraq so he said that he'd call when he could. I could write to him if I wanted but his mom had the address. I'm petrified of his mother (she used to think I was a drug dealer because of something I did years ago but her opinion of me changed after she got to know me) so I was scared to call her. I didn't know quite what to say to her so I just haven't called her. I'm hoping that when he comes home I can get the address so I can at least write to him once in a while even though I don't have anything interesting to say.

I'm sure this week is going to drag something fierce for me. I can see it now. There's too much coming up so I know it's going to seem like ages til next week. I miss him a lot...I didn't think I'd miss him as much as I do since for a while there we didn't see each other much. Looking back on the good times and seeing how much we've grown in the past 8 years is weird. Who would have thought that either of us would be where we are. I haven't done a whole lot with my life but I'm working on it and so is he. I know he can't wait til he gets out and can finally not worry about when and if the Army is going to come calling again. I know he wants to go back to school even though he absolutely hates going. He knows that's the only way he's going to be able to do what he needs/wants to do with himself.

It should be fun when he gets here though. Jenn's taking some time off (a couple days) to hang out with him even though her husband absolutely hates Frankie. Apparently a couple years ago when Jenn was still living in Pylesville, Frankie got in Mike's face over something I don't know what it was and ever since they haven't been able to stand each other. I mean they're cordial if they're in the same area but that's very rare. I'm taking the same days off. The only thing I'm worried about is that he doesn't make it home on those days so then we'll have to reschedule. I don't know what we're going to to do but it's going to be fun. No moping around Harford County trying to figure out what to do. And I'm going pray that there isn't drinking involved. I know how he's gotten in the past couple years and it's not good. I'll have to call Mrs. Miller too so she can make it out with us. She hasn't seen any of us in years it seems. I talked to her a couple weeks ago so we'll definitely have to include her in it.

OK....This post is way too long as it is. Don't know what's been going on but I seem to just keep going when it comes to writing. I don't have all that much to say but I insist on writing terribly long posts. Sorry

Keith Moon

August 23 was Keith Moon's birthday. For those who don't know who he was, he was the drummer for The Who...probably the best drummer ever...well in my opinion anyway. No one is like The Who nor will anyone ever be like them. I don' t think a single band has ever sounded like them. I absolutely love their music. I prefer them to Led Zeppelin which a lot of people frown upon but it's a personal choice. I've always liked their music better. Led Zeppelin is alright. I won't go out of my way to listen to them but if they happen to come on the radio I might listen to them but it depends on the song. But The Who is awesome. I don't think there is a single song by them that I don't like. The entire band is great though even if I'm partial to Keith Moon's drums. Pete Townshend is one of the best guitarists and Roger Daltry is a great story teller. I like their energy. Well there are only 2 members of the original band left. Keith Moon died almost 28 years ago and John Entwhistle died 4 years ago. They're coming to town in September for the Virgin Festival. I would love to go to that but I know it's going to be a mess. There are going to be some huge acts there and so many people. They're holding it at Pimlico and it's the festival is the only one being held in the country. There is one in Canada but there are going to be people from all over roaming around there. It's going to be bigger than the Preakness which is the main even there at Pimlico.

There is a lot of good music out there it's just a matter of finding it. There are musical elitists out there that are quick to put down anyone that listens to a certain type of music or a specific band or person. I read about it a lot on message boards and stuff like that. They complain that music has no meaning. But that's nothing new. Music for a lot of people is an escape. They like a certain song because of the beat not necessarily the words. For years there has been music that doesn't have a certain meaning or message. It's just fun. Where has the fun gone? All people seem to want is a deep seeded meaning to a song. Sure there are tons of songs out there that are like that and I like them but then again there are songs out there that just are. Sometimes you just want to dance or sing along to it. You know just have fun. I love deep introspective music just as much as anyone but who doesn't want to just nod their heads, dance silly, and sing? Take it at face value and enjoy. You know what else I like? I like songs that have a message and you don't even realize it til you sit down and actually listen to the lyrics. Take "Like A Stone" by Audioslave. That song has a really deep religious meaning. But when you hear it and your just singing along you don't realize it. That whole album though deals with religion. I like music that has a message and doesn't necessarily preach to you. They aren't forcing it down your throat.

Bitchfest

Sorry but this post is going to be me bitching about stupid little things. There's going to be a lot of complaining and really there is no reason for it but I can't help it. If I don't write or talk about it, things could get a lot worse like me losing my sanity! I'm the type of person that tries to stay level-headed when I'm mad or if something is bothering me. I keep it inside until it boils over. Now I don't go throwing things or beating people up, I don't even yell really. I might raise my voice or use a "tone" but other than that it doesn't get too bad. Mainly I just get upset with myself for not controlling my feelings and I cry a lot about it. So I'm trying to prevent that from happening. Right now I think I'm around my mom too much. You know how people get when they are around each other damn near 24/7? After x amount of time they feel like tearing each others heads off. Well it's getting to that point with my mom. I work and live with her...I love my mom, please don't get me wrong, she's an awesome mom, but everyone needs a break once in a while from each other. We're in the midst of an arguement right now and it's petty and yes it's totally my fault. That's what work is for, getting away from stuff at home. Well,that's what it's been for me other than of course a way to make money and you know live. I think I'm sounding like a giant ass about this and that's not what I set out to do.

I could really use a vacation. I need to get away for a couple days...no worries. I know I don't lead that stressful of a life but still. I think everyone needs one once in a while. I don't know where I want to go or what I want to do...I just know that I need to get away. I'm thinking of taking a long weekend the week of Labor Day...well I have a long weekend any way but I think I'm going to take off Thursday and Friday of that week. Frankie is supposed to be coming home then. I really hope he does. That was the plan anyway. Jenn's taking off those days too so that the three of us can just chill, kick back, catch up, have a good time..you know the stuff friends are supposed to do. Maybe that's my problem. I don't really have any friends that live around here anymore so I don't get out of the house and interact socially with others as much as I would like to.

It's just that things are really starting to get to me...and I'm not talking about big things. Just little things; tiny arguements with my parents (I really really really really need to move out. I wish I could afford it!), my sister pissing me off when mom was in rehab (I should be over it but I'm not), Mom being in rehab (ok that's sort of a big thing but still it wasn't me so it shouldn't bother me as much as it does), my job (I'm sure there are a ton of people out there who would love to have a job where they wait for the phone to ring but there are times when I have other things to do, usually other peoples work that they don't feel like doing or can't get done and not explaining things fully [I hate accounting!] at the last minute right before I'm about to leave the say before they want it done) and as excited as I am about school starting I'm anxious about it too. I want everything to go well and I know it will if I apply myself which I fully intend to do. I'm just nervous and yeah anxious.

A couple of days would be nice...you know days where I don't have to wake up at 5 in the morning to be to work by 7, even though more often than not lately it's been 7:30. Also as bad as it sounds I want to wake up and not have to deal with any of the crap going on at home. That sounds selfish and it probably is but I can't help it. Most people want to escape for a little bit..get away from the things that are bothering them. That's all I want to do and it seems that more often than not here lately if I'm not at work, I'm at home. I love being home but it's so boring. I don't feel like watching anything on tv and while I love reading, I've finished the book that I had and can't pick the next one up til the weekend. Yes forgetting about your issues and responsibilities won't make them go away but it's nice to, well, forget about them for a couple days.

I don't know where things are going right now. I just know that I'm going to keep my distance and keep myself as busy as possible so as to prevent myself from getting into larger arguments. I'm resolving to stay positive as hard as that is going to be right now but I'm gonna try. Hopefully things will work out and I'll get over myself. Self pity isn't a good thing (I'm not quite at self pity yet but it's heading that way and I don't feel that way often) so getting through and over it is my goal for the next few days.

A Movie Night.

Well....of course there isn't really anything new. But I did do a couple things this weekend. I mean I didn't doing anything super fun but I still did some stuff. On Friday I decided to sit down and watch the movies that I've had out for over a month. First up was "Saving Private Ryan". I was tired of people staring at me with their mouths gaping when they found that I've never seen it. I guess since I plan on becoming a history teacher and all that, they felt it was my duty as a future teacher/historian to watch that movie. Truth be told...I just never really thought about it. I knew what it was about I just didn't have it high on my movie priority list. Well I watched it and it was a fantastic movie. I don't think I could watch it again though. I can handle violence, blood, and gore in a movie but usually it's fiction and while perhaps the story of Private Ryan was fiction, the landing on Omaha beach wasn't. It was, for me, like looking at someones death. I know it's not real but it did happen. I've seen war movies before but none that quite affected me like this one did. I cried through oh probably 75% of the movie. I don't know how they dealt with that sort of pressure and seeing some of the things they did. It was just terrible. But a good movie.

The other movie I watched was "Paradise Now" which was just a great movie. I would own it. It's about 2 suicide bombers from the West Bank. Now I know people might not get why any one would want to see that sort of movie but I'm just saying it kinda makes you think. I know when I hear about suicide bombings I wonder "What in life could have happened to these people to make them want to not only kill themselves, but kill other innocent people?" Well I have to say that after watching this movie you can sort of see how they are driven to it. Some of them feel like they have no other choice and remarkably there are some that wind up not doing it at all. If you can stand watching a movie with subtitles...I'm telling you you should watch it at least once.

And finally I watched "Mystery Men". I've seen bits and pieces of it before but never the whole thing at once. It was hilarious. I loved Hank Azaria as the Blue Raja and of course Ben Stiller and Janeane Garafolo don't disappoint. It was good though. And it definitely lightened the mood after watching the previous two movies.

On Saturday I met up with Jenn. We hung out for a little while and then we headed to WalMart. I don't shop at WalMart and I have my reasons for that...I just don't want to get into that right now..this post is long enough as it is. Anyway she wanted to get a new bed-in-a-bag and let me just say they had some absolutely hideous things there. I love picking out the ugliest clothes, sheets, whatever. It's just a fun thing for me. I'm a people watcher too and sometimes it gets out of hand and I wind up laughing too loud embarassing the people I'm with. I don't know why I do it. I know it sounds immature but good Lord is it fun. Yesterday I stayed home as usual. Ali and Paul stopped by on the way home from Ocean City which was nice because it feels like I hadn't seen them in forever. They wanted to drop in and see how mom was doing since she left rehab and all. Ali and I are planning on hanging out in DC sometime soon. I want to go to the museum of Natural History and some other places and she likes going. I hate going places like that by myself. I was planning on going to see Talledega Nights but she wants to go with me so next time she's in the neighborhood that's what we're going to do.

Ok I've taken up enough space for the time being. I could probably write another couple pages but I'll save that for a day when I don't have anything else to write about.

Better Late Than Never Part 2

I swear these are the last ones. I wish there were fireworks displays more often. The only time I think they have them around here is when it's New Years or 4th of July. I guess it's better than having none though, right? On this date 17 years ago my Grandma died. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I can't believe it's been that long. Doesn't seem like it. I still miss her a lot. You know I remember a couple days after she died I swore I saw her in front of Woolworths on Eastern Avenue waving at me in a purple shirt and black pants. I even told my stepdad that I saw her and that she wasn't dead but when I looked back she wasn't there. I don't know if it was just my mind trying to deal with the fact that I wouldn't see her again alive or what but I still remember that. I remember a lot about that week. It's weird ya know? And it was a Friday that she died just like it is this year. Sometime I'll have to write more about her. I think she's been the person that I miss the most out of everyone I've lost whether it be to death or just moving around in life. I think that maybe I'll try and get to the cemetary this weekend. It's been a while since I've been there.

Better Late Than Never

Well I'm finallly getting around to posting the pictures I took on the 4th of July in Havre de Grace. Some of them look weird but cool, in my opinion anyway, becuase I had the camera on the wrong setting. Yeah it's over a month late but better late than never I say

They're pretty much self explanatory so I didn't feel the need to label each and every one with "and here's another firework and another etc"

Oh and I finished reading "Valley of the Horses". Very good book. Now I just have to get the next one. But before I do that I'm going to have to read "The Other Boleyn Girl" so my aunt will leave me alone about it. But I think I'm going to sneak "The Mammoth Hunters" in somehow. I figure if I do just some straight marathon reading, that I can get it all done before school which is in about 2 1/2 weeks. I might be able to pull it off...we'll see.

Reading

I've been reading a lot lately. I said that I wanted to get some reading done before school started because I don't know when I'll be able to read for myself during the semester. I've started reading the Earth's Children series which is really good...so far. I'm only about a quarter of the way through the second book but the first one was really good. I wouldn't recommend it to those who don't like some history intertwined with literature. It's about a Cro-Magnon girl who is found by a clan of Neanderthals and is nursed back to health eventually being adopted by the clan. It's called "Clan of the Cave Bear". It was really really good. Right now I'm on the second one called "Valley of the Horses". I won't say too much about it because I don't want to give away anything about how the first one ended. Anyway they're really good. I hope they continue that way although I've been told the third one sucked but I like to make decisions like that on my own.

In between reading those books I read "The 5 People You Meet In Heaven" by Mitch Albom. My aunt said that I would really really like it and it was pretty short; just under 200 pages and the chapters were short too. I finished that in about a day. It was so good and in a way comforting. What happens is this fellow dies and goes to heaven but before he can reach Heaven he has to learn 5 things and he learns them by meeting 5 people that either impacted his life or vice versa. Once again I don't want to give anything else away. By the time I read it, I knew more than 80% of the story because my aunt told be about it. She just wouldn't tell me two things and they were resolved in the last chapters of the book naturally. Anyway I would recommend that book to anyone. It was surprisingly good and I'd read it again if I had a copy. I love books that you can reread and pick up things that you might have missed the first time around which is why I love the Harry Potter books so much. Every time you read them, something else stands out and makes you think. There are hidden clues all through those books.

I think if I can I'll get at least the next one of the Earth's Children series done before school starts. There are 5 so far with a sixth one coming out soon. So now there are two books that I'm anxiously awaiting the release of, both of them have yet to be titled: The Sixth Earth's Children book and the 7th (and final:( ) Harry Potter book. I'm excited about both. At least I have something to occupy my free time at the moment which is always a good thing. The weather has been gorgeous for the past week. It's not sticking around as much as I'd like it to but soon it'll be my favorite time of year. I can almost smell it coming.

Stripped Down

Music is something that is near and dear to my heart. I like almost anything with the exception of most country and I can't stand bluegrass. Well I was listening to some music today when I got the idea (well it's not an original idea) to list some of the songs that I absolutely love that are stripped down, so to speak...you know not over produced; just some good old instruments and vocals. Anyway here's my list in no particular order:

1.) "Old Man" Neil Young: I don't know why I love this song so much. I just do. It's a very short song but I like the story behind it.

2.) "Everlong" The Foo Fighters: Now there are two versions of this song. One is acoustic and one isn't. I like the acoustic one the best personally.

3.) "Volcano" Damien Rice: There is just a cello, a guitar, and vocals. No frills at all. I love it.

4.) "Your Song" Elton John: Probably my favorite song by him although there are so many. I like the imagery in this song. When you hear this song you get the feeling he's singing just to you. Well that's what I feel anyway.

5.) "Redemption Song" Bob Marley & the Wailers: It's Bob Marley...what's not to love?

6.) "So Far Away" Carole King: It's kinda sad but I love it anyway. Anything she sings is great but this one is fantastic.

7.) "Broken" Jack Johnson: I love his vibe and this song is so pretty.

8.) "Fire and Rain" James Taylor: A little on the melancholy side but that's classic James Taylor.

9.) "Me and Bobby McGee" Janis Joplin: One of my all-time favorite singers. She had a lot of heart and really put everything into singing her songs.

10.) "Waiting for my Ruca" Sublime: It's basically a drum and Brad Nowell singing. The lyrics aren't introspective or outstanding but I like it just the same.

*There were a couple of songs that I didn't think about so I figured I'd add them even if it is a couple days later. Lily actually reminded me of one which was "Tears In Heaven" by Eric Clapton. The other one was "Hurt" by Johnny Cash.

Lull

It's been super quiet the past couple of days. Nothing new has been happening. Just kind of being here you know? Mom's coming back tomorrow. Still don't know if sending her to that place was the right decision. I don't know how the whole detox thing works but it doesn't seem right that they give you drugs to calm you down. Doesn't that encourage addictive behavior? I don't know...I'm not a professional. I just hope they know what they're doing. The true test will be when she gets home I suppose. Since she's coming home sooner than I thought, I have to get all the liquor out of the house. That shouldn't be too bad considering I know all her hiding spaces and there isn't a lot of stuff in the house to drink in the first place.

Good Lord it's boring here and the day is dragging. Tim isn't here, he's playing golf and most of the other people are out doing something. I wish I could go away for a bit. A vacation sounds nice at this point. I mean my life isn't what you'd call stressful at all at the moment. But it would at least break up the monotony of day to day life here. At least get away from Maryland for a little bit or even just visit a different part of the state. I wouldn't mind doing that at all. I'd love to get some friends together and do that. Maggie's been asking me to come to Delaware to visit but I don't have the time or the funds to do so. I should go out one weekend though. When Frankie comes home we'll probably go somewhere. We always do. It should be interesting when he comes home. It feels like I haven't seen him in years when in fact it's only been 5 months. I hope when he comes home he doesn't have some of the bad habits he came home with last time involving various substances among other things. I don't think he will. I'm a little afraid every time he comes home because I know he's changing but I notice it more because I don't see him on a daily basis or even a weekly basis. Right before he left we didn't see each other that much which was weird because for years we were damn near inseparable and when he went away for those couple of years when he came home we spent most of the time together. I guess after the whole birthday incident and my refusal to go anywhere with him when he intended to drink probably caused that distance.

I miss him a lot though regardless. It doesn't feel like we've been friends for 9 years. I swear it feels almost like yesterday that we met and we've been through a lot together. It'll be nice to have him safe at home. Maybe he's grown up a lot or even just a little and maybe lost a little of that curmudgeonyness (don't think that's a word....but you get my meaning). But as long as he gets home safe and sound, I'll be alright with that. Even if we aren't friends like we were before..I'll be just as happy to know that he's ok.

Sticker Shock

Well I start school in a little under a month. I'm excited. I look forward to having something that will keep me occupied...something to hold my concentration for a bit. Books go on sale today although I don't have the money at the moment. I went to see around how much my books are going to cost....I about passed out when I saw the price: $458 and some change. Unfortunately financial aid didn't cover my books which is ok since they covered the rest. I was really hoping that it wouldn't cost that much but that's how it goes. I'll get them at some point. I don't think it'll be this week. I get paid but I have other bills I have to cover first like insurance. I'm rethinking the whole medical insurance thing. It costs me $514 a month. It's weird how the state works it out. What they do is they hire me at x amount of money per year. Then I choose the benefits that I want/need. They tally up about how much that's going to cost and add roughly that amount to my pay. It sounds like it might be a good deal but really it's not. I still wind up paying more because the extra money they give me every paycheck is taxed so that's where the extra goes. Besides I'm only being paid $200 more than I was when I didn't have insurance. It's weird how that worked out. I really needed the insurance but it's getting to be that I can't afford it and pay the other bills I have every month. I worked out a budget and will do fine if I could have stuck to that budget. I forgot about books so it sort of screwed me. On a brighter note, my stepdad said he would help if I needed it. I don't want him to help because things are going to be a little tight since mom's away and all. We still don't know if she's going to get paid for the time she's gone. That's still up in the air. I could talk to dad about it but I hate borrowing money from people. It makes me feel bad and what if I can't pay it back right away? I hate to have a debt like that. My tuition is taken care of so that's a plus. Only had to pay $20 which isn't bad. I guess I could take out a loan but I don't know about that either. It's something to think about though.

I got to see mom yesterday. The place looked like a crap hole but the surrounding area was absolutely spectacular. It's right in the mountains and there's a nice little town near by...one of those older historic looking towns. She seemed to be doing well. They were giving her valium which I thought was odd but they said it's necessary when someone is detoxing. We got to spend about 45 minutes with her and then Mr. Mike and I had to go to a family sort of therapy session. It's mandatory if we want to continue visiting. It was odd...I'll just leave it at that. That took about and hour and 15 minutes and then we were allowed to visit with her some more til around 3. I have to say it was hard leaving her there. I wish we could have taken her home. She's hoping to be home by the weekend. We'll see I suppose. They have to wean her off the valium first. On the way home we stopped in Gettysburg. It wasn't really out of the way. We drove through the battlefield and looked at some of the plaques. It's been about 11 years since I've been there. We plan on going back. I might go in the fall when they have the candlelight ghost walk. I just want to hear the stories. We have something like that here at Fell's Point but it's hard to hear over the crowds moving from bar to bar. I might try and go to that one this year too. We say that every year but it never happens.

Can't Catch A Break

It's way too hot out...yesterday when I got in the car the thermometer on the car said 110! It's supposed to be just as bad today but this evening we're supposed to cool off considerably. The past couple of days have been miserable. I feel so bad for those without air conditioning and those without homes. Fortunately, the city has opened cooling centers which are usually schools that are open to those seeking refuge from the heat. The entire East Coast is suffering. While the temps are only in the high 90's to low 100's, with the humidity it feels like 110-115. I hope we don't get anything like this again this summer. I was just reading this morning how scientists have noticed that at night when everything is supposed to cool off...it doesn't cool off like it used to. They said it's probably from pollution in the air and global warming. If we keep going at this rate we'll be frying out in the streets. You know when you were a kid in the middle of summer when it was super hot out you always wanted to see if you could fry an egg in the street? This week makes me want to see if it'll happen. I saw a picture of a street somewhere I can't remember and a person's shoe was literally sticking the asphalt because the asphalt was melting. How crazy is that?

Mom's doing alright. They couldn't put her in on Tuesday because of a problem with the paper work but they took her yesterday. I haven't heard from her yet but Mr. Mike has so that's good. He said she sounded good and all so I'm hoping for the best. Mr. Mike on the other hand isn't doing well at all. After all his problems with his heart and all the surgeries...his heart is failing. It's at 35% so they're planning on implanting a defibrillator into his chest. Mom of course doesn't know about it because he didn't want to make her more upset and stressed than she already is. He goes on the 14th to schedule the surgery and all that. I'm just hoping it goes well. Just wish the family could catch a break. It always seems that once something goes wrong, other things follow. I know it's life but a bit of a break would be nice. I haven't told my sisters about Mr. Mike yet. I hate telling people bad news and I already had to break bad news to them once this weak. I might wait a little bit but I don't know. It all depends...I just need a day to collect myself and work things out. I think on Saturday while I'm cleaning out the basement I can do that you know? Cleaning for me is a good way to just think about things and you know get all your frustration out. I think I'm going to Heidi's on Friday. She wants me to stay over but I don't want to leave Mr. Mike home alone. It's just been a long week...I'll be glad once it's all over.

Where the Hell is Matt?

I don't know if anyone has seen this yet but I thought it was pretty funny. The story goes that Matt, a professional gamer, saved up money, quit his job and just traveled the world for a couple months. While traveling he made a site to show his family and friends where he was and that he was alright. A friend of his told him that he should dance every place he went so he did. He does this weird dance that is hilarious. I've seen people dance like that but none with such pride. The video went around the web and caught the attention of the people at Stride gum. They funded another trip for Matt this one taking 6 months that would take him to Norway, Antarctica, The Easter Islands, and the list goes on. Here's the video if you want to see it:
http://www.wherethehellismatt.com

How cool is that? How many people get a chance like that once let alone twice. He's become somewhat of an inspiration to travelers. There are a couple videos out there that took Matt's idea but they changed it to make it their own. There is one guy who just has someone throw the same beach ball to him. I would love to have the opportunity to travel the world. He even went to Petra which is one of the places high on my list. Anyway there are some really funny parts in the video aside from the dancing, which is absolutely horrendous, especially the ones involving elephants and seal lions. It's definitely something that would cheer most people up or just make them chuckle a bit.

By the way...my mom is going into a detox (rehab I don't know the difference) today. I don't know how long she's going to be there. They said it could be 5 days or the full 28. I guess it depends on what they feel is best for her. She wasn't too happy about the decision but I think she's realizing that it's the best thing for her right now. She was pretty upset about it yesterday and thought that us kids were ashamed of her which if course wasn't true at all. So at 2:45 this afternoon she'll be heading in. I hope it works. She's been in one before when I was 11 and it seemed to help. Actually she stopped drinking for years after that. It wasn't until I hit my late teens that she started again. So I'm really really hoping this works and that she finally gets the help she's going to need. As long as everyone is supportive, I think she'll do very very well.