Bitchfest
Sorry but this post is going to be me bitching about stupid little things. There's going to be a lot of complaining and really there is no reason for it but I can't help it. If I don't write or talk about it, things could get a lot worse like me losing my sanity! I'm the type of person that tries to stay level-headed when I'm mad or if something is bothering me. I keep it inside until it boils over. Now I don't go throwing things or beating people up, I don't even yell really. I might raise my voice or use a "tone" but other than that it doesn't get too bad. Mainly I just get upset with myself for not controlling my feelings and I cry a lot about it. So I'm trying to prevent that from happening. Right now I think I'm around my mom too much. You know how people get when they are around each other damn near 24/7? After x amount of time they feel like tearing each others heads off. Well it's getting to that point with my mom. I work and live with her...I love my mom, please don't get me wrong, she's an awesome mom, but everyone needs a break once in a while from each other. We're in the midst of an arguement right now and it's petty and yes it's totally my fault. That's what work is for, getting away from stuff at home. Well,that's what it's been for me other than of course a way to make money and you know live. I think I'm sounding like a giant ass about this and that's not what I set out to do.
I could really use a vacation. I need to get away for a couple days...no worries. I know I don't lead that stressful of a life but still. I think everyone needs one once in a while. I don't know where I want to go or what I want to do...I just know that I need to get away. I'm thinking of taking a long weekend the week of Labor Day...well I have a long weekend any way but I think I'm going to take off Thursday and Friday of that week. Frankie is supposed to be coming home then. I really hope he does. That was the plan anyway. Jenn's taking off those days too so that the three of us can just chill, kick back, catch up, have a good time..you know the stuff friends are supposed to do. Maybe that's my problem. I don't really have any friends that live around here anymore so I don't get out of the house and interact socially with others as much as I would like to.
It's just that things are really starting to get to me...and I'm not talking about big things. Just little things; tiny arguements with my parents (I really really really really need to move out. I wish I could afford it!), my sister pissing me off when mom was in rehab (I should be over it but I'm not), Mom being in rehab (ok that's sort of a big thing but still it wasn't me so it shouldn't bother me as much as it does), my job (I'm sure there are a ton of people out there who would love to have a job where they wait for the phone to ring but there are times when I have other things to do, usually other peoples work that they don't feel like doing or can't get done and not explaining things fully [I hate accounting!] at the last minute right before I'm about to leave the say before they want it done) and as excited as I am about school starting I'm anxious about it too. I want everything to go well and I know it will if I apply myself which I fully intend to do. I'm just nervous and yeah anxious.
A couple of days would be nice...you know days where I don't have to wake up at 5 in the morning to be to work by 7, even though more often than not lately it's been 7:30. Also as bad as it sounds I want to wake up and not have to deal with any of the crap going on at home. That sounds selfish and it probably is but I can't help it. Most people want to escape for a little bit..get away from the things that are bothering them. That's all I want to do and it seems that more often than not here lately if I'm not at work, I'm at home. I love being home but it's so boring. I don't feel like watching anything on tv and while I love reading, I've finished the book that I had and can't pick the next one up til the weekend. Yes forgetting about your issues and responsibilities won't make them go away but it's nice to, well, forget about them for a couple days.
I don't know where things are going right now. I just know that I'm going to keep my distance and keep myself as busy as possible so as to prevent myself from getting into larger arguments. I'm resolving to stay positive as hard as that is going to be right now but I'm gonna try. Hopefully things will work out and I'll get over myself. Self pity isn't a good thing (I'm not quite at self pity yet but it's heading that way and I don't feel that way often) so getting through and over it is my goal for the next few days.
I could really use a vacation. I need to get away for a couple days...no worries. I know I don't lead that stressful of a life but still. I think everyone needs one once in a while. I don't know where I want to go or what I want to do...I just know that I need to get away. I'm thinking of taking a long weekend the week of Labor Day...well I have a long weekend any way but I think I'm going to take off Thursday and Friday of that week. Frankie is supposed to be coming home then. I really hope he does. That was the plan anyway. Jenn's taking off those days too so that the three of us can just chill, kick back, catch up, have a good time..you know the stuff friends are supposed to do. Maybe that's my problem. I don't really have any friends that live around here anymore so I don't get out of the house and interact socially with others as much as I would like to.
It's just that things are really starting to get to me...and I'm not talking about big things. Just little things; tiny arguements with my parents (I really really really really need to move out. I wish I could afford it!), my sister pissing me off when mom was in rehab (I should be over it but I'm not), Mom being in rehab (ok that's sort of a big thing but still it wasn't me so it shouldn't bother me as much as it does), my job (I'm sure there are a ton of people out there who would love to have a job where they wait for the phone to ring but there are times when I have other things to do, usually other peoples work that they don't feel like doing or can't get done and not explaining things fully [I hate accounting!] at the last minute right before I'm about to leave the say before they want it done) and as excited as I am about school starting I'm anxious about it too. I want everything to go well and I know it will if I apply myself which I fully intend to do. I'm just nervous and yeah anxious.
A couple of days would be nice...you know days where I don't have to wake up at 5 in the morning to be to work by 7, even though more often than not lately it's been 7:30. Also as bad as it sounds I want to wake up and not have to deal with any of the crap going on at home. That sounds selfish and it probably is but I can't help it. Most people want to escape for a little bit..get away from the things that are bothering them. That's all I want to do and it seems that more often than not here lately if I'm not at work, I'm at home. I love being home but it's so boring. I don't feel like watching anything on tv and while I love reading, I've finished the book that I had and can't pick the next one up til the weekend. Yes forgetting about your issues and responsibilities won't make them go away but it's nice to, well, forget about them for a couple days.
I don't know where things are going right now. I just know that I'm going to keep my distance and keep myself as busy as possible so as to prevent myself from getting into larger arguments. I'm resolving to stay positive as hard as that is going to be right now but I'm gonna try. Hopefully things will work out and I'll get over myself. Self pity isn't a good thing (I'm not quite at self pity yet but it's heading that way and I don't feel that way often) so getting through and over it is my goal for the next few days.
posted by Kyleen at 5:33 AM
1 Comments:
Well, Kyleen, I really don't know where to start from.
However, I'm deeply sorry to hear the issues that have been bothering you lately. If I were to tell you to chill, and take it easy, I might sound like an ass.
But, I can definitely tell you that family always come first. There is nothing that can't be solve between family members.
And I'm totally agree that you might need some breaks from everything. It should do you more good than harm. GO some where, before we say goodbye to Mr. Summer. Do the things that you have always wanted to do.
Break away!!!
Well, school gonna starts soon. For me, its less than 2 weeks, and I think it should be the same to you too.
With that said, I totally think that you should go away. You know hows it gonna be when school starts. Assigments, exams, reports, homeworks, and more exams.
All of these will adds up, and you dont want to go berserk when it does.
So, I think you got the points that I'm trying to make.
Cheers, Athen
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