Just a Little Anxious
I'm starting to get those butterflies in my stomach...anxiety. I haven't heard from Frankie in a while. I'm hoping he's still coming home next week. I wish I knew. Knowing him though he'll show up the day he comes home at my front door like he always does. I remember when he supposedly came home for good 2 years ago from Korea. I had gone to bed early because I worked that day and didn't sleep the night before. I can't remember for the life of me what possessed me to stay up all night and work that day but something did. So when I got home from work I pretty much passed out. Usually we don't lock the front door at night but for some reason I did. I don't know how long I was asleep but I heard a knocking on the door. I was thinking "Who the heck is knocking on the door?" It used to be that people would always be stopping by the house to hang out and catch up but that hadn't happened in a long time mostly because all of us had jobs. So I got up and answered the door. No one was there but when I looked around toward the driveway I saw someone walking away. I said "Hey?" And Frankie turned around. I was so happy to see him and elated that he was ok. I'm a chronic worrier. I think I gave him the biggest hug ever...I'm not much of a physical contact type person but with certain people I'm ok.
You know it's hard remembering how I felt watching him leave the first time. I was upset when he joined and didn't approve but it wasn't my life. I didn't have a say in what he did with his nor did he have a say in what I did with mine. I remember the day he told me what he did. I think I've told it before but it's something that's just always stuck with me. He called me at work and said guess what I did today? I figured he got a new job or something but instead he said "I joined the Army". Needless to say I was devastated. I was calm til I got off the phone with him. After that I flipped out. We had been around each other so much I don't think we went more than a week without hanging out and now he was going away? It was tough for me to deal with and I still have a problem with it. I've gotten better over the years though. It's weird...after so long you just sort of accept it. I get excited everytime he comes home and I get upset every time he leaves. The first time he left for Basic I was no good. I felt like I lost my best friend which I basically did. Things were never the same after that. We wrote when we could and he called when he could. When he came home for visits we spent most of the time partying (Not the best thing to do but at the time that's what we did). A bunch of us would get together go out have some beers...just a good time. Then the time would fly and he would have to leave again.
When he went to Iraq this year it was surprisingly easier than it had been when he left before for Korea. You would think it would be harder since he was going somewhere there was an imminent threat to his life. I think a lot of that had to do with that he left here for Arizona and then after a couple weeks in Arizona they shipped him out. I didn't know the exact day he was leaving. There was really no way I could call him. He'd turned his phone off in anticipation of leaving for a year. So when I did get a call from him, he was in Maine waiting for the plane to Kuwait. He called when he landed in Kuwait and I was glad he got there ok. He didn't know where he was going to be once he actually got into Iraq so he said that he'd call when he could. I could write to him if I wanted but his mom had the address. I'm petrified of his mother (she used to think I was a drug dealer because of something I did years ago but her opinion of me changed after she got to know me) so I was scared to call her. I didn't know quite what to say to her so I just haven't called her. I'm hoping that when he comes home I can get the address so I can at least write to him once in a while even though I don't have anything interesting to say.
I'm sure this week is going to drag something fierce for me. I can see it now. There's too much coming up so I know it's going to seem like ages til next week. I miss him a lot...I didn't think I'd miss him as much as I do since for a while there we didn't see each other much. Looking back on the good times and seeing how much we've grown in the past 8 years is weird. Who would have thought that either of us would be where we are. I haven't done a whole lot with my life but I'm working on it and so is he. I know he can't wait til he gets out and can finally not worry about when and if the Army is going to come calling again. I know he wants to go back to school even though he absolutely hates going. He knows that's the only way he's going to be able to do what he needs/wants to do with himself.
It should be fun when he gets here though. Jenn's taking some time off (a couple days) to hang out with him even though her husband absolutely hates Frankie. Apparently a couple years ago when Jenn was still living in Pylesville, Frankie got in Mike's face over something I don't know what it was and ever since they haven't been able to stand each other. I mean they're cordial if they're in the same area but that's very rare. I'm taking the same days off. The only thing I'm worried about is that he doesn't make it home on those days so then we'll have to reschedule. I don't know what we're going to to do but it's going to be fun. No moping around Harford County trying to figure out what to do. And I'm going pray that there isn't drinking involved. I know how he's gotten in the past couple years and it's not good. I'll have to call Mrs. Miller too so she can make it out with us. She hasn't seen any of us in years it seems. I talked to her a couple weeks ago so we'll definitely have to include her in it.
OK....This post is way too long as it is. Don't know what's been going on but I seem to just keep going when it comes to writing. I don't have all that much to say but I insist on writing terribly long posts. Sorry
You know it's hard remembering how I felt watching him leave the first time. I was upset when he joined and didn't approve but it wasn't my life. I didn't have a say in what he did with his nor did he have a say in what I did with mine. I remember the day he told me what he did. I think I've told it before but it's something that's just always stuck with me. He called me at work and said guess what I did today? I figured he got a new job or something but instead he said "I joined the Army". Needless to say I was devastated. I was calm til I got off the phone with him. After that I flipped out. We had been around each other so much I don't think we went more than a week without hanging out and now he was going away? It was tough for me to deal with and I still have a problem with it. I've gotten better over the years though. It's weird...after so long you just sort of accept it. I get excited everytime he comes home and I get upset every time he leaves. The first time he left for Basic I was no good. I felt like I lost my best friend which I basically did. Things were never the same after that. We wrote when we could and he called when he could. When he came home for visits we spent most of the time partying (Not the best thing to do but at the time that's what we did). A bunch of us would get together go out have some beers...just a good time. Then the time would fly and he would have to leave again.
When he went to Iraq this year it was surprisingly easier than it had been when he left before for Korea. You would think it would be harder since he was going somewhere there was an imminent threat to his life. I think a lot of that had to do with that he left here for Arizona and then after a couple weeks in Arizona they shipped him out. I didn't know the exact day he was leaving. There was really no way I could call him. He'd turned his phone off in anticipation of leaving for a year. So when I did get a call from him, he was in Maine waiting for the plane to Kuwait. He called when he landed in Kuwait and I was glad he got there ok. He didn't know where he was going to be once he actually got into Iraq so he said that he'd call when he could. I could write to him if I wanted but his mom had the address. I'm petrified of his mother (she used to think I was a drug dealer because of something I did years ago but her opinion of me changed after she got to know me) so I was scared to call her. I didn't know quite what to say to her so I just haven't called her. I'm hoping that when he comes home I can get the address so I can at least write to him once in a while even though I don't have anything interesting to say.
I'm sure this week is going to drag something fierce for me. I can see it now. There's too much coming up so I know it's going to seem like ages til next week. I miss him a lot...I didn't think I'd miss him as much as I do since for a while there we didn't see each other much. Looking back on the good times and seeing how much we've grown in the past 8 years is weird. Who would have thought that either of us would be where we are. I haven't done a whole lot with my life but I'm working on it and so is he. I know he can't wait til he gets out and can finally not worry about when and if the Army is going to come calling again. I know he wants to go back to school even though he absolutely hates going. He knows that's the only way he's going to be able to do what he needs/wants to do with himself.
It should be fun when he gets here though. Jenn's taking some time off (a couple days) to hang out with him even though her husband absolutely hates Frankie. Apparently a couple years ago when Jenn was still living in Pylesville, Frankie got in Mike's face over something I don't know what it was and ever since they haven't been able to stand each other. I mean they're cordial if they're in the same area but that's very rare. I'm taking the same days off. The only thing I'm worried about is that he doesn't make it home on those days so then we'll have to reschedule. I don't know what we're going to to do but it's going to be fun. No moping around Harford County trying to figure out what to do. And I'm going pray that there isn't drinking involved. I know how he's gotten in the past couple years and it's not good. I'll have to call Mrs. Miller too so she can make it out with us. She hasn't seen any of us in years it seems. I talked to her a couple weeks ago so we'll definitely have to include her in it.
OK....This post is way too long as it is. Don't know what's been going on but I seem to just keep going when it comes to writing. I don't have all that much to say but I insist on writing terribly long posts. Sorry
posted by Kyleen at 6:08 AM
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