Drunk

I don't know if I mentioned it before but my mom has a drinking problem. It's been an ongoing thing since I was a kid and she goes through spurts where she will drink a lot and when I say a lot I mean a lot. She was doing alright there for a while since my step dad had a talk with her about it. She agreed to talk to the dr and she stopped for while. A couple weeks ago she started again and once again it's become a serious issue in the house. I should know how to deal with stuff like this but I don't. You would think considering I've been around in my entire life that I would sort of know what to do in a situation like this. I don't. Every time she starts drinking I get angry. I mean I don't yell or throw things but I find it really hard to have any sort of sympathy for her. I know it sounds mean but I just have a really really hard time with it when it comes to her. If it's anyone else I feel bad for them just not her. I think it might be because she has the means to get help she just doesn't want it. You know it's pretty bad when you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is go get a drink. She's gotten help before but I guess she thinks she can handle it and can control it which we all know is wrong. Most alcoholics can't control themselves which is why they're alcoholics in the first place.

I wish she could see what she is doing to herself and everyone around her. I'm not the only one affected by it. My stepdad is really angry with her about it. Yesterday morning he took the bottle away from her and she got so angry (she was drunk of course) that she wanted the keys to the car which he wisely denied her. I didn't hear any of this...I was fast asleep. Anyway she took off out the door and walked up the street. He left to go after her but he couldn't find her. (How ridiculous is that. I know I'm being judgmental but I can't seem to help it) He called me a little while later to see if she came back and she had and was asleep. She slept all day on Saturday and most of the day yesterday. Anyway this morning she found the bottle and started drinking again before work which is why she had me drive in. I could smell it but what was I supposed to say? I've never really been able to outright stand up to my mom. It's just something I could never do. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her feelings or something. I guess it's something I need to work on. I wish there was a way for me to help her but nothing seems to work. I don't bring any sort of alcohol into the house. I don't drink that much myself. I might have a glass of wine or a beer or something like that once in a blue moon but that's about it.

I don't know what to do about her. She's leaving work early which is probably a good thing if she wants to keep her job. I just hope we can get this fixed and she can learn not to drink. I researched a little bit a couple months back but nothing seemed quite right...it didn't fit. I know I'm not the only person out there that has to deal with something like this but it's getting to me. My patience is running thin and I just don't know what to do about it. I know this sounds self centered and I'm not meaning for it to. I just don't know what else to do. I'm at a loss.

Environmental Issue 3

I think this is going to be an ongoing series with me. Maybe I should write something about the Environment once a week? I don't know...at the rate it's going it might have to be a daily thing. I was reading the news yesterday (what else is new) and they were talking about a Senate bill that's going to be passed that will allow companies to drill in the Gulf of Mexico. They said that by doing this it will create jobs (well yes jobs are generated by bringing business to any region) in an area that was devastated (understatement) by Hurricane Katrina. While I'm all for bringing business back to that area I have to question the type of business and what that means for everything that comes in contact with that business. I thought were were supposed to be moving away from gas/oil dependancy? I guess they mean foreign oil when they made that statement. I'm sorry but considering that we don't know all of the environmental ramifications caused by the devastation of Katrina, is it wise to drill there? I'm against off shore drilling to begin with. I think it's unnecessary and, people really, do we need more oil? I don't think so. With so many possibilities concerning alternative fuels, shouldn't we be encouraging those who are looking at alternative fuels to be bringing their business to most places in the U.S.? I will never understand that. I know, I know, politicians are right in the back pocket of most of the oil companies not only here but around the world. With conditions worsening in the Middle East and an impending war, shouldn't we be focused on moving away from oil?

Another problem I have for this is that by getting this bill signed is that it could lead to drilling elsewhere; namely the wildlife sanctuary in Alaska that the President and others have been trying to tap for a while now and also other places in the North. It's scary thought. We know how damaging oil can be when it leaks from ships and refineries that aren't up to date. It's not pretty. Why are they trying to push this through? Is it because of all that problems in the Middle East? Is it to help the cash flow in the Gulf States? What is it for? Why? Why not funnel more money into real solutions instead of perpetuating a problem that can be neutralized? That's a good question. I wish I had the answer. Once again I was reading and I read about this student in Amsterdam that developed a scooter run on hydrogen. How neat is that? See what I little incentive and creativity can do? It appears that most people aren't interested in finding alternatives but would rather just stick with what we've got. It's not fair to anyone. We know about all the problems facing the world. Shouldn't we be more inclined to help the Earth out a little...I mean we've done more than our fair share to destroy it. Without the Earth, we don't have anywhere else to go. A Moon Colony at this time is out of the question.

Apathy and Ignorance

There is so much that I want to write about today that I already have ideas for posts for 2 days so tomorrow will be one and the next day will be something too. Usually I have problems concentrating on one topic but there is a lot going on in the world.

It seems everyone who is anyone is voicing their opinion about the mess that is the Israel-Lebanon Conflict. Yesterday there was a rally to support Israel at the Baltimore Holocaust Memorial. You can really tell it's an election year when the 2 main candidates for governor come out to talk and so does one of the people running for Senate. I'm not trying to be pessimistic but I had to ask myself "Would they be there if it weren't an election year?" I couldn't tell you for sure but I'm thinking probably not. It's a sad sad situation and truth be told I wouldn't want to be on either side. I don't know who is right and who is wrong. Yes, the U.S., Australia, Canada, and a couple other countries consider Hezbollah a terrorist organization. Should they be allowed in government? Probably not but the dynamic over in countries like Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Syria, just about any Middle Eastern country is remarkably different that what we're used to as Americans. I still don't completely understand what the deal is with the constant fighting over Israel. Yes, after the war many people migrated there. That doesn't make them criminals or give them any less of a right to be there.

The Battle of the Holy Land has been an ongoing thing with a couple brief periods where there was a cease fire. I don't think things were every really as peace over there. Israel and it's surrounding countries are remarkable. Those areas mean something to people, mostly for religious purposes. Jerusalem is the Holy City of not only 1 religion but 3 of the most dominant world religions: Islam, Judaism, and Christianity. I don't think there is any other place on Earth that is held in such high regard by so many than Jerusalem. Unfortunately, you have religious zealots on all three sides that have tried to claim the Holy Land as solely their own at one time or another. For example, the Christians tried during the Crusades...that's the one I remember the most because I think it's the one we're taught most about in history class. And here we are centuries later and that area is still at war within itself. It is a truly unique situation.

I don't know what's going to happen or how it's going to be resolved but something needs to be done. More and more innocent civilians on BOTH sides are being hurt or killed. I don't have a solution and thank God it's not my job to come up with one because short of diplomatic talks, I don't have a way for them to come together and stop the fighting. I know I've repeated myself over and over again but I wish people would learn to come together and realize that all this fighting is getting us nowhere. The shelling has to stop...the rockets too. All they are doing is showing the world that they can't compromise and that they would rather resort to violence than to find a peaceful end to this problem. Yeah as an American I have a lot of room to talk right? I'm saying "Oh we need to talk and not kill people blah blah blah" meanwhile in Iraq people are still dying once again civilians seem to make up the bulk of those whose lives are ruined. I don't agree with the war, I didn't want the war to happen, I want the soldiers to come home. I think more and more Americans are wising up and realizing that this war was a mistake and a big one that is costing people their lives not to mention robbing future generations of knowing family.

Unfortunately for us, there is nothing we can really do about it for the next couple of years. There are a couple of things we can do: 1.) vote which is the big thing, 2.) Contact your local representatives and Senators, and 3.) stay informed. (Sounded a bit like a public service announcement...I apologize) I think by doing those three things that Americans can take back control of the government. There are people out there that claim to be patriots because they're for the war. To me patriots are people who aren't afraid to stand up and say when they feel something is wrong and they want to do something about it. They question the government which after all is pretty much what this country is based on. You don't want to be a sheep and accept the things people are doing because you feel like there isn't anything you can do or because it doesn't affect you personally. I think that's where a lot of people go wrong. They say "hey that doesn't affect me. Why should I care?" That's the kind of thing that gets people in trouble. It's like people don't care what happens to others unless it directly effects them. That's insane! I wish people could see how terrible they look when they have that sort of mentality; how uneducated and unfeeling. My hope is that in the future and maybe even today, more people see how being apathetic and unsympathetic is no way to live.

This has very little to do with what I've written so far but it's related in a way. I have a friend who is currently serving in Iraq. He's been there since March and he's part of the National Guard. He was enlisted in the Army for 4 years spending the majority of that time in South Korea. When it's time for you to leave the army you have one of 2 options: 1.) join the reserve or 2.) join the National Guard. I think most people pick the latter of the two because it was pretty rare for National Guard to be deployed unless it was to protect the state or there was some sort of national emergency. Usually they have you stay in for a year. Frankie at first joined the Reserve but opted at the last minute to go into the Guard considering he didn't really want to go back overseas for any reason other than vacation or something like that. A couple days before he was set to finish his time, they decided that he had to stay in longer. This is called stop-loss. That means that if you're time is about up and the government feels it's necessary, they can keep you for up to 18 months longer. To me this basically a back-door draft. These people are looking forward to being out and can't wait to be done (well most of them anyway) and then the government turns around and says "Nope. You can't leave yet. You're needed ______". How fair is that? Anyway I was reminded of this because I just read an article about a local man who after being in the Guard for 16 years and 5 days away from being discharged, is being deployed to Kuwait. 5 days, people, 5 days! He tried to sue to be able to stay but he lost, just like those before him. This doesn't seem right to me. I mean the man has served his time and now they're telling him no. It brought me back to when Frankie said that he was going to be deployed and he wasn't looking forward to going. Apparently this has been happening a lot here lately. What next? My question now is considering all that is going on between Israel and Lebanon, Korea, and Iran, are they going to force people to stay in again? Say Frankie comes home and is ready to be discharged again...does that mean he's going to have to go somewhere else if the government decides he needs to stay longer?

Speaking of Frankie...He called on Friday. I only got to talk to him for 20 minutes or so but it was good hearing from him. I was starting to get a little worried. I hadn't heard from him since June 3 and he usually calls once a month to let me know he's still alive and chit chat a bit. He said he should be home around the first week of September. He's hoping to be home in time for Labor Day but he's not 100% sure that's going to happen. He said it's God-awful hot over there. He bought a thermometer which maxed out at 115. That's just crazy. Anway I was just happy that he was ok and that he called.

Israeli-Lebanon Conflict

Ok so for about two weeks the world has watched as the Middle East has once again erupted into violence. This time an organization that the U.S. and Israel consider a terrorist organization, Hezbollah, started by invading Israel and kidnapping Israeli soldiers in order to garner the release of some of it's compatriots. This lead Israel to retaliate. And the fighting is escalating. There is an interesting article in Time Magazine explaining what the situation is over in Israel and Lebanon and why this time it's different. You can read the article by clicking here but I would however pick up the actual magazine. There is a map there showing what areas of Israel and Lebanon have been hit as well as a chart outlining some of the key players of this conflict. It's definitely worth the couple bucks to read or if you have time, you can flip through while hanging out at the local bookstore. I know when I go in there, there are a ton of people on the benches or in arm chairs reading away. I like that you can do that. I was waiting for the employees to say something and you know start kicking people out of there for doing that without buying the book or magazine but they seem unfazed by it. Wikipedia has a timeline of events and they even break it up between the two: Hezbollah and the IDF.

Anyway there's a lot going on over there and I have to say that any kind of military intervention at least on our part would be unwise. Now I'm not saying that based on principle. I'm saying that because the U.S. military is stretched too thin as it is. You have countless soldiers still sitting in Iraq with no end to that in sight and you have soldiers still in Afghanistan searching for the ever elusive Osama Bin Laden. Considering everything that is going on in North Korea, you can bet they beefed up support over there. The Armed Forces are always over there waiting and watching. I know at least the Navy and Army are...Frankie was stationed there for a couple of years and he would have to do training exercises with the Navy and Marines from time to time. Granted since there are a lot of soldiers in the region, I guess they could shuffle some around but something tells me they aren't going to do that. Actually I don't know if it's a good idea to get involved to begin with...at least not unilaterally. I think that the U.N. is going to be forced to intervene however and whether that works or not...well that will remain to be seen. I don't think it's going to work. Yeah there could be a cease fire but how long will that last?

The problem isn't going to be solved by just sitting around hoping the other side gives in. Communication is key...how many times have you heard that? By talking and compromise, peace can be attained. You know how marriage counselors constantly preach communication and compromise? I think that should be applied to the world at large. You can solve problems by communication even if you don't agree 100%. Violence doesn't get anyone anywhere. It's a real shame. You can agree to disagree but don't let it escalate to a point where harm comes to people, mainly innocent people. I know it's been an ongoing problem in the region...I just don't think a lot has been done to focus on the real problem here. It's a tricky situation and I might be naive but I think that if people looked over their petty differences, real progress could be made and maybe just maybe in a 100 years or so, there won't be any war especially in the Middle East.

Yeah call it being idealistic but I can't help it. I have faith that the world could potentially come to an understanding and war could be prevented. It's going to be a rough journey but we could be on our way. Sure we have to deal with terrorist organizations like Al Qaeda to over come but it can be done. There is no quick fix to the problem...it's going to take time and energy to get there but it can be achieved.

7/23

Well I didn't do much over the weekend. Actually I left the house I think once since I got home Friday. I got my last two wisdom teeth pulled which I hope will mean that I won't have any more issues. So other than that that was it. Nothing else happened. I don't know what's going to go on this week. I think my parents are going to Jersey for the weekend. I'll be staying here...Jeffery's 6th birthday is this weekend. I can't believe he's going to be six. He's been telling people that he's six for a while now so I guess it'll be good that he can say it officially. He tells people that he's in the first grade. Of course that won't be until the fall but he wants to be in first grade now. How cute! I've never met a kid so excited by the smallest things. He gets excited when some one comes over to hang out with him. I don't know if that's because Ryan doesn't do much with him or what but still. It's not Ryan's fault that he can't do much with Jeffery aside from video games. He works a lot and over the past years or so his back's been giving him problems. I don't know what exactly is wrong with him but it's not a good thing. He can barely get out of bed and walk. It's a shame because he used to be so active especially in the summer. Other than that though I'll be home. I went over my sister's house for a little bit yesterday. I think the only reason we were invited over was because Claude's parents couldn't make it. I hate to say something like that but there it is. That's just how Amanda works. It's weird you know I mean I'm close with my parents but I'm not super close. I don't tell them everything that goes on in my life but I know that I keep them clued in when things count. I think that both of my sisters and my stepbrother don't want to do any of that unless there is something in it for them. I know that kids grow up and move on. That's a part of life but it just seems to me that they don't want to have my parents involved unless they need or want something. It makes me sad that they're like that. It almost seems like they're embarrassed by them and believe me there is nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't know. It's an odd situation. You would really have to see it to understand. I know when I leave this house which I hope is sooner rather than later that I won't treat them like that. Actually I'm pretty confident in that I won't. I go back to work tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it but I have to work. I can't wait until I'm finished school and I can teach. I know that's a little bit away but I'm working on it. I can't wait til school starts. It's a little over a month away but I know it'll be here before I know it. I have to go up there and make sure my account is settled. It should be...I think I only have to pay $30 or so and it's done. Of course I still have to get books but other than that it's done. So that's one less thing that I have to deal with right now which is good.

Maryland Welcomes You

Well I made it to the dentist yesterday and saw the dr about why I'm itchy. Tomorrow they're going to take out the remaining two wisdom teeth. He said they're both infected so they absolutely have to come out which is why my ear was hurting. Now was to why I'm itchy, the dr said that I must have had an allergic reaction to something. I have no idea what it could be because I haven't changed soap or anything like that so it's a mystery. She gave me a couple things that will help so I'm thankful for that. I'm not nearly as itchy as I was yesterday so that's always a good thing. I was just scared it was something totally disgusting like scabies. Gross!

After all that yesterday I went home and went to sleep. I was asleep before 8 and only woke up when the phone rang. It was weird being asleep so long. Anyway that's pretty much all I did yesterday. Today so far has been super quiet. 2 people are out all week and one of the other people in my office I guess has the day off. Since I left early yesterday I have no idea if he planned on it or what. Either way, he isn't going to be here. I think it's going to be one of those days where time seems to drag because there is really nothing to do. Oh well. I won't be here tomorrow so I'll have 3 days off. Tonight is Maggie's last night here so some us are supposed to get together and do something. Who knows what thats going to be. I'm sure it'll involve a bar though. They like to drink. I won't be once again. Doesn't bother me any...I don't like waking up feeling worse than I did when I went to bed. Maybe we'll just all go out to dinner or something. That would be nice.

Well that's all for now. I would talk about what's going on over in the Middle East but that would take up a couple pages and no one really wants to read that much. All I'll say about it is that's mess isn't good enough of a word to describe what's going on over there. They evacuated people and some are on their way to BWI Thurgood Marshall Airport. You know what's funny about that? Last night on the news they were showing people putting up a banner that said Welcome to Maryland or something comparable to that. Why would you do that? It's not like they're tourists. These people don't have a choice as to where they go. They have to come here because that's the arrangements the government made. It was weird to me. It's like they think by having those people come here that it's going to bring money into Maryland. I mean I guess it will if some of the people decide to stay but I think that most of them will only stay until better arrangements can be made. That's how I was thinking anyway. Don't get me wrong I love Maryland and I'm proud to be from here but really there aren't too many people that go out of their way to visit unless they're going to DC.

Adult ADD

I didn't come into work yesterday. My ear once again is hurting pretty bad but I think it's because of one of my wisdom teeth...I know I have to get them taken out and I have 2 out already but it's all a matter of having the cash to do it. I went up to Patient First and sat in the waiting room for maybe 10 minutes and then they took me back where I sat for over an hour for the nasty dr to just look at me and say I don't see anything wrong. She wsa really mean and just stared at me like I had 3 heads or something. I just wanted to get out of there so instead of having her write a prescription for pain medicine, I declined and left. There was $25 down the drain. It might not seem like a lot but it is when you don't have a lot of cash to begin with. So today I'm going to call the dentist because I think I have to have a referral to go to an oral surgeon. Doesn't make sense but I don't make the rules. And I'm itchy. I started itching pretty bad on my legs on Sunday but it's moved to my forearms. I guess I'm going to have to see someone about that too. I'm definitely not going to Patient First. I'll call my regular primary care dr.

Other than that not much going on. I'm really tired...haven't been sleeping all that well because of the itching. I know it sounds like I'm complaining an awful lot but I can't help it. I'm trying not to but I'm miserable. But onto other things...Of course the Middle East is an absolute mess. I don't know how things are going to be fixed over there. I don't know what to think. I mean I think Israel had a right to be angry for Hezbollah kidnapping soldiers but once again bombs kill people and not just the ones that are guilty. Hezbollah is a terrorist group, this we know, we also know that Iran has some sort of control over them and the fact that Iran hasn't done anything to stop Hezbollah is unnerving. That area is at war all the time. You would think that they would just say Hey! Is it worth all this fighting? and learn how to tolerate each other. It's atrocious.

Bush once again made an a** out of himself. I mean he does a pretty good job at that most of the time anyway but I mean he really messed up. I couldn't help but laugh at the way he was chewing while talking to Tony Blair. It was hilarious. I don't like Bush which most people know and I've tried to curb berating him but this was just wrong. I mean really. You would think he'd try to be a little more dignified than that being president and all. Yeah I know there are people out there that appreciate his Good Ol' Boy persona but as President, there are such things as manners. I can't wait til next election.

The past couple of days have been HOT! It's summer but boy did it sneak up on us as far as temps go. We got up to the low 100's yesterday and the day before with the heat index. At least today it's supposed to be in the 80's but it's going to feel like it's in the 90's.

I couldn't find just one thing to write about today...I do that often I suppose. There are so many things floating around in my head. I'm telling you I'm a prime candidate for adult ADD.

A Learning Day

I didn't do much of anything yesterday. I just sort of hung out at home but I needed a day like that. I watched "Failure to Launch"; I don't think it was that great. There were a couple funny parts but I think it's like "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" but reversed...I don't know if that made sense but to me it did. Anyway I was wishing the day would move by a little quicker because on the Discovery Channel they were showing a program about Global Warming. They were saying that politics weren't involved and I have to say they weren't. But the message was the same. Global Warning is real no doubt in my mind. They talked about the polar bears (They were too cute. They tranqualized a mama bear and her 3 cubs) they were just taking dna from them and weighing them and all that. I wanted to bring them home. I felt so bad for them. They also touched on the glaciers and how fast they were melting, how far the oceans have risen. They went to this one place and I can't for the life of me remember what the name was but it was in the South Pacific. They showed a village there and the ocean was literally in their homes at high tide. It was crazy! Another point they brought up was that if deforestation keeps up especially in the Amazon, we are really going to be in a lot of trouble. They said weather patterns are changing which is causing drought in some areas and floods in others. Because of that bug population are going to grow causing more insect diseases like malaria and West Nile. If it's on again I'll have to watch it to see if I missed anything. It was definitely interesting.

After that they had something on about the 2004 tsunami. There was actual first hand video on it...very disturbing. You could see it coming from where some of the people were on the balcony. It was just a white line of crashing water. It was insane. And all they could do was yell "Run" but most of the tourists there couldn't get away fast enough. They explained that after the first wave, people went down to the beach to see what happened and then the second one came and many couldn't escape the second one either. It was really really sad. I know the news showed a lot of video and still but this was different. Something interesting I learned was that a tell-tale sign that a tsunami may be coming is when the tide goes way way out. I mean there were boats that were beached when tide disappeared right before the tsunami hit. Most of the people had never seen anything like it. It was so weird. Then I read this morning about another tsunami but not nearly as bad as the one that hit almost every country in the Pacific.

It must have been natural disaster day or something on the Discovery Channel because earlier in the day they were talking about how there is this bay in Alaska that had a weird trim line. The trim line was so well define from old forest and new forest. They couldn't figure out what could have made such a dramatic impact and it couldn't have been a tsunami because it was way too high. So they took some samples from the trees and looked to see about when there could have been something that really hurt them. It was fairly recent but they couldn't find out why. That is until about 3 years later and this time they had witnesses. This guy and his son were out fishing on the bay when they heard some rumbling. It was pretty far off and they couldn't see anything until a wall of water some 500 ft high hit their boat. Luckily they were washed out to see and both survived. What they found was that 90 tons of rock fell at an alarming speed and hit the water causing a mega-tsunami. They said that it's been happening for years it's just that nothing too drastic has happened however it will come again soon. The one they're worried about is in the Canary Islands and it will impact the East Coast of the U.S. New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Washington, Miami, any town on the water will be inundated with water. It's a crazy thought but it's going to happen. It's just a matter of when. I found an article about it so anyone who might want to learn about it can read it here.

Good Times

No not the tv show although I do love J.J. and the militant midget. Last night Maggie, Devin, and I decided to not go to the movies (We wanted to see Clerks II but we realized it's not out yet) so instead we just stayed home and hung out. That's always fun to me. We listened to some music and talked. Devin tried to show us she knew how to dance and yes she can't. It was hilarious. I wish I had a camera....it would have been great. Today I dragged Maggie to the laundromat with me because we still haven't bought a new washer. It was humid as all get out today and then it stormed for a while. It seemed to cool things off for a little bit but it didn't last long. After a couple hours there, we came back home and started getting ready.

Since Maggie is moving to Delaware next weekend, she wanted to get a couple people together to go out. Of course I was designated driver (I don't mind...actually I prefer it) and we wound up where we usually do...Wargo's. Hey it's close and the people are pretty nice. Frank and Sam came along as well as Maggie, Sorrick (much to my dismay), and I. It's been a long time since I saw Frank...not since I talked to Sam last. Sam I guess doesn't really like me any more but oh well. I didn't do anything wrong. I was completely honest and if he can't accept that then oh well. He'll either get over it or fester alone. I don't think he's festering I think his pride might have been hurt but I can't do anything about that. I think he might have said 1 or 2 sentences to me the entire night. Mainly I caught up with Frank which is always fun. He always has such fun stories like that he spent the night in a crack house once. Yeah it might not sound funny but to hear him tell the story it's too funny. Jason, a guy I met there last time I we went to Wargo's, was there again. He was plastered last time and obviously nothing had changed. He was pretty nice once again. I don't know about that though. Anyway Maggie wound up getting sick so I knew it was time to leave. We said our good byes and all that and I got Frank's number so we can keep in touch. I really wish he and Jenn would have worked out but there is absolutely no hope in that especially since she's married now. So now I'm home chilling and writing.

I got a bug to get online at home instead of at work. Yeah weird I know. I just got a new computer this week. My other one wasn't doing well and I know I'm going to need a good one for school this year. The only thing is that I have to get the cable people to come out and hook me up. I tried getting DSL but they haven't put it in my area yet and I hate dial up...At the moment I'm on the laptop which has dial up. So once I get the cable company out here I'll be able to get online easier at home which is always a plus. Tomorrow or today I should say I think I'm going to clean around the house. Since I got the bulk of my laundry done, things shouldn't be so bad. I know Ben is coming by at some point to see Maggie but I have no idea what time that will be. He wants to see her before she leaves. Ben isn't bad when he's not lying. He makes up these outrageous lies sometimes and he must think we're idiots to believe him. To tell everything about Ben would take up a whole other post so I'm not going to get into it since I rarely see Ben anyway.

Well I have to get these contacts out of my eyes...I think there were too many people smoking in the bar this evening. Give the state time and they'll ban it there too. I know I know I shouldn't be saying this but I hope they do. The cigarette smoke in there kills me. Since Maggie's leaving I won't be in there much anyway. I might go with Jenn or when Frankie comes home I'm sure he'll make me go in there. Anyway that's not the point. I justs don't like the smell and it makes me a little nauseous. Ok time to head out. Need to go to sleep.

Jack of All Trades, Master of None

That's what I'm feeling like at the moment. I don't know about anyone else but I get in these moods where I feel my life is heading in a certain direction but I want to change the course. There are so many things that I want to do in my life and odds are best I won't get to do them all. I don't think anyone gets to do everything they want to do in their lifetime. I mean people can live a full life but I'm sure there is always one thing at the end that you would like to do but didn't get the opportunity to do it. I just feel like I'm being pulled in 50 million directions. I don't know...it's weird but I can't help it. One day I think that I should be going to school. Another day I want to go in a completely different direction like just working at the job I'm at and settling down and doing the family thing. I don't know if this is something that most of this generation is facing or if I'm one of the few that feel that way. I would love to settle down and do the family thing but that's just not an option at this moment but who knows maybe tomorrow that might change. You never know, right? I know there are a lot of people out there that do all of it. I just don't know if I could do that myself. I'd like to think I could but still...maybe I don't trust myself.

Some years ago, I was sitting outside of my job at the time, hanging out with friends, getting in trouble all that you know...anyway I sat down and made out a life plan. It was silly. I was just being stupid; none of it I would ever dream of doing. I was just horsing around. But then I got to thinking: Where am I going to be in 5 years? It's something that changes for me every year. I think about it a couple times and it seems that I change it up all the time. I guess that's why life isn't straight forward and easy. There are things that will happen to you that will challenge where you want to go or how you look at things. I can remember being in 8th grade and my teacher asking the class if they knew what political party we would be joining when we were older. I chose Republican. I don't know why I did..there was another kid in the class that raised his hand and he said democrat. I wonder if he is one? Anyway I think the reason I chose republican was because at the time I thought things were ok when Reagan and Bush were in office. Later on I realized things weren't as honky-dory as I thought and that there was a lot about their administrations that I didn't know about. I think about Mr. Crum and wonder where he is now. I know he doens't teach at the school I used to go to but I'd like to see how he is and for him to see how I am. He's the reason I became interested in history. There were 2 people instrumental in my chosing teaching as a profession. Mr. Crum and Mr. Kineke. I don't think they'll ever know how much they impacted my life.

See what I mean? If they hadn't been there, who knows where I would be. Maybe I would be studying medicine or, Heaven forbid, business and accounting. Not that there is anything wrong with any of those. I just don't think I would be the best person for the job. I still want to be a history teacher but I want to do more with it. There are so many problems out there that I want to fix...so many people that I think I might be able to help but it seems that I can't get out there and do it. It's crazy I know but I can't help it. I think about how fortunate I am and others are and how there are still people dying, killing, etc. It makes me sad that there are children out there dying because they can't get vaccinated. There are kids in this country that are killing for no reason, kids in this country starving, kids in this country turning to violence to solve their problems. It's not a good thing. So I guess I'm just in one of those states of mind where I want to fix the world even though I know that's not possible. The world isn't perfect and will never be. But I can hope that sometime soon people will learn that violence doesn't solve a problem, that everyone has the right to have a home, access to dr's, food on the table, and a job to provide for their families. That's what I want for everyone.

India Bombings

As most people know, there were a series of bombs detonated yesterday in India. 200 people were killed and I'm sure once everything is said and done, the death toll will be higher. It seems that at the moment, no one is taking responsibility for the attack but I'm sure someone out there is going to lay claim to it as sick as that sounds. I will never understand terrorism. It's pointless...all you do by killing other INNOCENT people is get attention and it's not the attention people want. You become known as murderers and people don't want to have anything to do with you. I mean sure there are some that will but those people are probably a little nuts...or maybe a lot nuts. I watched Syriana a while ago and it showed how some people become suicide bombers...it's like they let other think for them. It's really sad. I wish there was a way to reach out to those who feel that this is the only way to get a point across. I know freedom of speech isn't a right to all people but it should be. I know that you have to take the good with the bad when it comes to free speech but at least I can say something back to those spewing something hateful or just something I disagree with. Terrorism is an idea and an act (something you really can't declare war on but some people seem to think you can) and we should work at finding reasonable non violent solutions to the problem.

Anyway back to India. They're really going to need some help. I hope that people will keep those who lost their lives and were injured in thier thoughts. I think we all need to remember that we aren't the only ones that deal with the threat of terrorism; that there are other people in the world that have been touched by it. It's unfortunate and I hate to say it but it almost seems like we've forgotten what it's like to be attacked. It took everyone here a long time to "get back to normal" but I never thought it would get like this. So remember how you felt that day we were attacked and when help is needed, whether it's monetary or what have you, do it. They're really going to need it.

Smoking

I know I write about a lot of stuff that I read online and most of the time it's political but this time it's not. Tobacco use as we know is a problem not just in this country but around the world. The American Cancer Society is projecting that close to a billion people could die just this century if current trends hold. A BILLION! That's a lot of people! I know I know it's preachy but as this is a problem that we can help solve. You know the old saying that an ex-smoker is worse than a non-smoker? I think that's true. I used to smoke...I started when I was 18 ( I know that's a little late to be starting..at least that's what I've been told. I tried to smoke before when I was 13 by taking one of my mom's cigarettes but I got busted so I didn't try again til I was much older). I smoked for reasons that most people smoke...all my friends did it so it couldn't be that bad. Both of my parents smoked, my mom still does, and most of the rest of my family did as well. I didn't think it could be that bad even though I was told time and again that it causes cancer, halitosis, bronchitis, emphysema, etc.

From the time I was 18 until I was almost 24, I smoked. Every year I would get bronchitis and yeah I knew that it was probably from smoking but do you think that was going to stop me? Nope...until October of 2003. I was home alone sick with what I thought was a cold. The power went out and some friends of mine were supposed to come over. I'm not afraid of being in the house alone without power during the day but at night that's a different story. I fell asleep and when I woke up, my friends still weren't there. I started panicking and freaking out...because I was sick I almost passed out. And I was still smoking even though I knew I was sick. I wound up going to the hospital that night and found that I had a severe case of bronchitis and was on the verge of having pneumonia. Yeah not so dramatic or anything right? Well they had to give me a couple breathing treatments and they could tell right away without me telling them that I was a smoker. They told me that I really really needed to quit and so I did. After that I didn't smoke. I tried but I found that the smell made me nauseous as did the taste. I haven't smoked since. It's probably one of the best things that I ever did in my life. It's been the proudest moment in my life up until this time. I still have a lot of life to live and I'm sure there will be other things that are infinitely more important...they just haven't happened yet but quitting smoking is such a great feeling.

My dad gave up smoking some years ago; actually well before I did. My mom quit for like a month or so last year but she went right back to it. My sister, Amanda, and her husband still smoke as well. They're thinking about quitting too. I really hope they do. Not only does your health benefit from it, you save a lot of money in the long run. If you don't mind spending that money, think about it this way. By not smoking, you could save all that money and buy something you've really been wanting. Could be anything. I remember when we were kids that we tallied up how many pack of cigarettes my parent's smoke and their estimated price. In a year they were smoking upwards of $5000 a year. That's a lot of money to be wasting. You could do a lot with that money.

Anyway I hope that people out there will get the message that smoking is bad and that they'll quit. A billion smoking related deaths. It's ridiculous and I don't want to hear people say that they're going to die from something might as well enjoy it. I hate that. I would rather die of old age with my family around than in my 50's or 60's carting around oxygen with me everywhere or worse...attached to a respirator or speaking through one of those voice box things because I got throat cancer. I know a man who has been friends with my stepdad for many many years, Mr. Ken, he's in his 80's, but he has one of those voice things and you know what? He finally quit smoking after that but now he's got cancer again and he's not doing that great. He regrets that he ever smoked. I know I'm sounding militant about this; I swear I don't throw cigarettes at convenience store workers yelling "Cancer Merchant". With all the aides that are out there to help people quit (and yes I know they're expensive but in the long run money will be saved and maybe so will your life) you would think that more people would quit or not even start. Obviously not. I hope though that maybe one person will read that article who might be a smoker and maybe they'll see that it's really not worth it. It's not worth the time or the money sucking on something that has the potential to kill.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

It's Monday so that means it's back to work. Blah! Anyway I got to see "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" over the weekend. I went along with Ali, Paul, mom, and Mr. Mike. I thought it was very very good. There were some people out there, my stepdad being one of them that was a little disappointed in it because it wasn't as funny as the first one. They didn't expect the first one to be as big as it was so with this one they had to do a little more. The special effects were fantastic. It was so real looking...especially the crew of the Flying Dutchman. If you have the chance, go see it...even if it's just for the special effects. We went to go Saturday at 4:15p.m. but because we are all procrastinators, we missed it so we figured we'd hit the 5:00 one. We get there and its sold out so we bought tickets for the 6:45 show. We got the last 5 tickets. The theater was packed, a lot of kids were there but I kind of planned on that being the case. The kids that were there were very well behaved. One of the kids in front of me got sick though so the people he was with had to call his parents and have them pick him up. Other than that it was a good experience. I hadn't been in a theater that packed since the last Harry Potter movie. I had a good time though...even if the movie was 2 1/2 hours. Not too bad considering and hey I sat through "Titanic" which was definitely longer and not as good as Pirates was.

I saw a trailer for the new Ben Stiller movie that's coming out in December and that looks awesome! It's calle "Night at the Museum". I think it's going to be one of those movies that might seem to be geared toward kids but adults will appreciate it too. I think I might take Morgan and Zoe to see it. It looks fantastic! I was surprised to see read that 2 of the writers are from one of my favorite shows Reno 911. It looks like it's gonna be good. Unfortuantely I can't find a trailer for it but I'll keep looking for it. Hopefully it'll be posted soon on http://www.foxmovies.com. At least there you can read a little bit about the movie.

Maggie is moving to Delaware. She's moving in with her mom which I have to say is a good idea. She'll be able to get her life together there better than she can here. Longo is still being a pain but what can she do? She's told him how she feels and he still thinks they're together. It's an odd situation. The sooner she gets away from him the better. I'm not trying to be mean but she could do so much better...Jason not being much better (I know I shouldn't say that about my own cousin but I can't help it. He's been pretty mean to her and she could definitely do better than that) Sam called her last week...I told her before hand that he's gonna try and get with her but she didn't want to listen. He did the same thing a couple months back to me but I guess she had to find out for herself which she did. Sam's alright sometimes but I don't know what the deal is. They dated before and she got back with Longo (I swear if this was my life I might just have to go where no one knows me...I don't like having that sort of drama in my life) and I don't know why he's trying again. She's nicer than I am though because I told him right out that I just wanted to be friends...Haven't heard from him since..well I did run into them at Target a little while ago but since then I haven't heard a thing from either of them. I didn't want to be mean and I don't think I was being mean but I might have hurt his pride a little. I miss Frank though; he's friends with Sam. But Frank doesn't come around either. That's just the way it goes though. People come and go through life it's the ones that stick around that are worth having around in the end.

The Haps

I say this a lot but really nothing much is going on. Even if there is, I don't usually think there is until after everything is over. Ali and Paul are coming up tonight but they're leaving tomorrow. They're going to sit down with mom and Mr. Mike to start working or a preliminary guest list for the wedding which they're planning on having in the Spring of 2008. (That's what Paul is telling everyone...he won't set an exact date but at least he has the year and season down so that helps) Ali is being surprisingly patient with him and the whole ordeal which is a surprise because I really thought she was going to turn into one of those Bridezillas that we all see on tv that go absolutely crazy when it comes to their wedding. She's just sort of looking around at the moment and playing with ideas. One of her ideas was vetoed already which was the bagpipes. She thought it would be neat to have bagpipes at the wedding since Paul is Scottish and we're a but Irish (we're mutts really) but he doesn't want that at all. They did decide to get married at a park or garden...they're even looking into one of the plantation houses in VA which would be nice. They don't want a religious wedding...something a little non-traditional. I'm helping her out a bit by giving my opinion on certain things and looking up a couple different things for her. I've never planned a wedding before and no one I know really has...her friend Cindy I think did though so I think she's going to enlist her help in this. It'll be nice though. I'm really happy for her. I'm not in the wedding because they know how I feel about being in front of people but Paul asked her to ask me to do a reading. I thought that was nice...he's not big on being in front of crowds either so he understands the deal with that. So I'll have to find something to read for them at the wedding. That should be interesting.

I have a bull and oyster roast to go to this evening to benefit Juvenile Diabetes. I think I might have mentioned that before but it's a really good cause. My old boss has an 8 year old son that is severely diabetic, to the point he needs an insulin pump, so Jenn, Shelley, and I usually go twice a year for that. Believe it or not, it raises a lot of money for foundation. I know it's just something small but it helps out. I don't particularly like going just because it's a crowd of people but I go anyway and see some of the people that I used to work with. I don't think we're staying the whole night which will be a plus. Other than that I have no idea what I'm going to be doing for the rest of the weekend. I have to finish reading this book becasue it's due back on Monday. I think I'm on the second page so I have to play catch up. I want to get down Heidi's this weekend too because I haven't seen them in a long time and I just hate being at home sometimes. It's supposed to be gorgeous weather-wise this weekend. Low humidity, sunshine...I'm down! I want to take as much of that in as possible. I should have opened my window up before I left this morning but I didn't know it was going to be that nice. I should pay more attention to the weather...Oh well...it's Friday...the end of a very short week. I'm sure next week will be a lot busier.

On a more somber note...I think it would be nice for people to remember what today is. Today is the anniversary of the London bombings. It seems like such a long time ago and I know how people in this country feel about 9/11. I think it would be nice if Americans could reflect today much like the rest of the world does when 9/11 comes up. I think because the attacks were a tad more catastrophic as far as losses that we forget that there were two other countries that were bombed: Spain and England and regardless of the loss of life, it was an unwarranted attack on innocent people. I know that there are terrorist attacks everyday especially in the Middle East and we should keep that in mind too. Just something I thought I should you know talk about a little. I remember how I felt on 9/11 and I know those feelings came flooding back when I heard about the attacks in March 2004 in Spain, and in July 2005 in England...no one should ever have to deal with anything like that. It's a shame that people have stooped that low to get their ideas across. I wish they could see that when they attack people like they've been doing for years, that it only makes people stronger. I can only pray that it doesn't happen again. So keep those who lost their lives or were hurt....but also think about those you don't hear about who are being killed all over the world just to demonstrate an idea or principle.

4th of July 2006

I didn't want to come back to work today...the weekend even though it was long didn't seem long enough but it never does. The weekend wasn't too bad. I wound up going to Havre De Grace to see the fireworks. That was an "adventure" ( for the lack of a better word). We left for Claude's cousins house at around 6 or so and it didn't take long forus to get there. From his cousins we had a bit of a walk til we got to the carnival. They have a carnival at the park where they set off the fireworks...it's right on the water. Havre De Grace is such a nice little town (at least the area that I was in) but the town's crime rate is increasing. Anyway we had a bit of a walk, which I didn't know about and had I known I would have worn more appropriate shoes (I wore open toe sandals). By the time we got there my feet were on fire. You know when your feet hurt but you only feel it when you stop walking? That's how it was for me. Anyway we got to the carnival and there were tons of people there. I don't do well with crowds and I was a little overwhelmed by it so it took me a little bit to regain some sort of composure. I don't get on rides either because they make me sick so there really wasn't anything for me to do other than wait for the fireworks to start. Amanda, Claude, Brandon, and Bill all went on this claw looking ride. You sit in these seats, they strap you in, and the ride starts to spin you around and swing you back and forth. Just looking at it made me nauseous. Once they got off of that, the fireworks started. They were alright...they could have been better. I have some pics I'll have to put up on here this week. There are a couple cool looking ones.

On Monday I didn't do much of anything aside from cleaning. Cleaning is always a good thing. Yo find things you forgot you had among other things. Yesterday was pretty chill too. Claude and Amanda came over before she took Claude to the hospital. He's been having some issues with his stomach and he promised her that he would go. I haven't heard what the final verdict was on it but I'll give her a call later. This week is going to be more boring than usual. Tim isn't here so there really isn't anything for me to do. So for now I'll just hang out and hope that the day goes by quickly. I didn't get to the movies this past weekend...I don't know if and when I'll get to see "An Inconvenient Truth" but if all else fails, I'll get to see it when it comes out on DVD. "Pirates of the Caribbean: Deadman's Chest" comes out this week. I think I'm going to have to go see it since I didn't get to see the first one in theaters. I loved that one and this one looks so much better if that's possible. I hope it is. I like Davy Jones...he looks wicked...even though everytime I hear the name I think of Davy Jones from the Monkees.