No-Goodness

Well lots of things going on. First....mom's off the wagon. I caught her last week and I don't think Thursday was the first time she's drank since rehab. Looking back I think it would have been better for her to stay the full 28 days but we were really hoping that it wouldn't. I guess we were wrong. I dog sat for my aunt over the weekend and on Sunday Frankie, Jenn, and I went out and watched the Ravens game (we won but just barely). Mom fell in the tub on Sunday and refused to go to the dr's. She was drunk once again. And yesterday she was drunk too only she had to leave work because she was supposed to go to the ER so that she could get herself checked out. She drank the whole time she was there and the ER people knew it. She wound up leaving without being seen and headed to Patient First but refused to go in. I left work at 4:30 and when I got outside she called and said she wanted to die. She called all of us and said that and proceeded to try and cut herself when we got home. I really don't know how to deal with this stuff. I wish there was something I could do for her but I can't think of anything. I think she needs to see a psychiatrist but she won't and I know she's off her meds. I'm at a lost and so is everyone in the family. This isn't the first time she's attempted suicide either. When we were kids she od'd by taking a bottle of tylenol with a bottle of vodka. I really wish I knew what to do here. I don't know how to help her if she doesn't want to get help. We could commit her but she wouldn't stay. She'd be out before we knew it and right back to square one. I'm really worried about Mr. Mike in all this. He's been dealing with a lot as far as his own health and to add this on top I'm afraid something's going to happen with him too. I would really lose it if something happened to him.

So it's a whole lot of no-goodness going on here. And I'm behind in my school work which is adding more to it. I know I shouldn't be worrying about school but it's what keeps me sane at the moment. Hopefully things will turn around and soon.

Holocaust Siblings Together

I wasn't going to post today since I have a lot to do but I read this story and I had to. I was going through the news like I usually do and I came upon a story about 2 siblings who just found each other after the holocaust separated them 65 years ago. I'll post the link to the story but here it is in a nutshell. Two young men in Israel started searching the internet for information about their grandmother who survived the holocaust. The woman thought that only she and one of her sisters made it through. While searching they came upon her story written by her brother. That brother had since died but there was another brother and they were reunited recently after believing that they were dead. Could you imagine?! What a wonderful story. Here is the link though if anyone wants to read it. I had the opportunity to meet a holocaust survivor years ago. I don't know if she is still alive but I remember her visit like it was yesterday. I was in 8th grade and her name was Deli Strummer and she was just a teenager when she was sent to the concentration camps. Unfortunately it came to light years later that she had embelished her story. Nonetheless she did survive at least 2 concentration camps...even if she did say that she survived 5 of them. That doesn't take away the fact that she was there. What she saw was real and the horror she must have felt at knowing that this day could be her last. I just thought that this story was something to be happy about. 2 people found each other after something so horrific happened to their family. I wish there were more and more stories like this out there.

The Pope

Well the legacy of John Paul II is evidently over. The new Pope, Benedict XVI, has enraged people around the world. Where is the peace and good will that was preached for so long? Where is the religious tolerance we saw during John Paul II papacy? I guess when he died, his work and ideas went along with him. I'm very upset with the current Pope. I think that a Pope should be someone who preaches unity, tolerance, love, and respect. Instead we get a pope that enrages an entire religion. Given what's been happening over the past, oh I don't know, thousand years, that we collectively would have learned at the very least to accept others. Yes I know he was quoting someone but he should probably have thought it through before he used that quote. At least he issued an apology and seems to be somewhat sorry for what he said.

Now here's an interesting point I heard on the radio. Why is it not ok for Christians and Jews to attack Islam and other world religions, but it's ok for them to attack Christians and Jews? You don't hear Christians and Jews yelling for a holy war because of something someone said. I wonder why that is? I really wish I knew. I think if we did a lot of the world's problems would be solved. Actually after I just read what I wrote I realized something. Most of the people calling for holy war and all that are the Fundamentalists. Fundamentalists are probably the worst people on the planet whether they be Jew, Christian, or Muslim. They try to force their religion on people and speak against tolerance and unity. I shouldn't have grouped them as Muslims, Christians, or Jews. I should have just said fundamentalist _________. Sorry about that...a grave error on my part.

**Things are going alright at home for the time being. School is keeping me very busy. I got to see Frankie Saturday even if we didn't get to do anything. He passed out in the recliner at 9 or so. I guess it's the time difference messing with him. Anyway I'm going to try and get a hold of him some time this week so we can actually get together and catch up.

Keith Olbermann 9/11 Speech

I didn't listen to President Bush's speech last night. Truth be told I try not to listen to anything he says anymore. I feel like every time he gives a speech, nothing but lies and justifications for an unjust war fly from his mouth. I understand that during his speech last night he chose to defend his decision on invading Iraq. I'm counting down the days til this man is out of office. Why or how he got in in the first place is beyond me. I was really hoping that the democrats or any other political party for that matter would pull out a win over him 2 years ago but that didn't happen. Speaking of voting: If you live in a state where elections are being held...VOTE! I know people are tired of hearing it but it does matter. This morning I read an interesting op/ed column on Yahoo! I didn't watch much tv yesterday for obvious reasons but I wish I would have caught this. He brings up some valid points in this speech. You can really feel what he's feeling when you read it. Anyway here it is:

Half a lifetime ago, I worked in this now-empty space. And for 40 days after the attacks, I worked here again, trying to make sense of what happened, and was yet to happen, as a reporter.

All the time, I knew that the very air I breathed contained the remains of thousands of people, including four of my friends, two in the planes and -- as I discovered from those "missing posters" seared still into my soul -- two more in the Towers.

And I knew too, that this was the pyre for hundreds of New York policemen and firemen, of whom my family can claim half a dozen or more, as our ancestors.I belabor this to emphasize that, for me this was, and is, and always shall be, personal.And anyone who claims that I and others like me are "soft,"or have "forgotten" the lessons of what happened here is at best a grasping, opportunistic, dilettante and at worst, an idiot whether he is a commentator, or a Vice President, or a President.

However, of all the things those of us who were here five years ago could have forecast -- of all the nightmares that unfolded before our eyes, and the others that unfolded only in our minds -- none of us could have predicted this.

Five years later this space is still empty.

Five years later there is no memorial to the dead.

Five years later there is no building rising to show with proud defiance that we would not have our America wrung from us, by cowards and criminals.

Five years later this country's wound is still open.

Five years later this country's mass grave is still unmarked.

Five years later this is still just a background for a photo-op.

It is beyond shameful.

At the dedication of the Gettysburg Memorial -- barely four months after the last soldier staggered from another Pennsylvania field -- Mr. Lincoln said, "we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract."
Lincoln used those words to immortalize their sacrifice.

Today our leaders could use those same words to rationalize their reprehensible inaction. "We cannot dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground." So we won't.
Instead they bicker and buck pass. They thwart private efforts, and jostle to claim credit for initiatives that go nowhere. They spend the money on irrelevant wars, and elaborate self-congratulations, and buying off columnists to write how good a job they're doing instead of doing any job at all.

Five years later, Mr. Bush, we are still fighting the terrorists on these streets. And look carefully, sir, on these 16 empty acres. The terrorists are clearly, still winning.
And, in a crime against every victim here and every patriotic sentiment you mouthed but did not enact, you have done nothing about it. And there is something worse still than this vast gaping hole in this city, and in the fabric of our nation. There is its symbolism of the promise unfulfilled, the urgent oath, reduced to lazy execution.

The only positive on 9/11 and the days and weeks that so slowly and painfully followed it was the unanimous humanity, here, and throughout the country. The government, the President in particular, was given every possible measure of support.

Those who did not belong to his party -- tabled that.

Those who doubted the mechanics of his election -- ignored that.

Those who wondered of his qualifications -- forgot that.

History teaches us that nearly unanimous support of a government cannot be taken away from that government by its critics. It can only be squandered by those who use it not to heal a nation's wounds, but to take political advantage.

Terrorists did not come and steal our newly-regained sense of being American first, and political, fiftieth. Nor did the Democrats. Nor did the media. Nor did the people.
The President -- and those around him -- did that.

They promised bi-partisanship, and then showed that to them, "bi-partisanship" meant that their party would rule and the rest would have to follow, or be branded, with ever-escalating hysteria, as morally or intellectually confused, as appeasers, as those who, in the Vice President's words yesterday, "validate the strategy of the terrorists."

They promised protection, and then showed that to them "protection" meant going to war against a despot whose hand they had once shaken, a despot who we now learn from our own Senate Intelligence Committee, hated al-Qaida as much as we did. The polite phrase for how so many of us were duped into supporting a war, on the false premise that it had 'something to do' with 9/11 is "lying by implication." The impolite phrase is "impeachable offense."

Not once in now five years has this President ever offered to assume responsibility for the failures that led to this empty space, and to this, the current, curdled, version of our beloved country. Still, there is a last snapping flame from a final candle of respect and fairness: even his most virulent critics have never suggested he alone bears the full brunt of the blame for 9/11.

Half the time, in fact, this President has been so gently treated, that he has seemed not even to be the man most responsible for anything in his own administration.
Yet what is happening this very night? A mini-series, created, influenced -- possibly financed by -- the most radical and cold of domestic political Machiavellis, continues to be televised into our homes. The documented truths of the last fifteen years are replaced by bald-faced lies; the talking points of the current regime parroted; the whole sorry story blurred, by spin, to make the party out of office seem vacillating and impotent, and the party in office, seem like the only option.

How dare you, Mr. President, after taking cynical advantage of the unanimity and love, and transmuting it into fraudulent war and needless death, after monstrously transforming it into fear and suspicion and turning that fear into the campaign slogan of three elections? How dare you -- or those around you -- ever "spin" 9/11?

Just as the terrorists have succeeded -- are still succeeding -- as long as there is no memorial and no construction here at Ground Zero.

So, too, have they succeeded, and are still succeeding as long as this government uses 9/11 as a wedge to pit Americans against Americans.

This is an odd point to cite a television program, especially one from March of 1960. But as Disney's continuing sell-out of the truth (and this country) suggests, even television programs can be powerful things.

And long ago, a series called "The Twilight Zone" broadcast a riveting episode entitled "The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street."
In brief: a meteor sparks rumors of an invasion by extra-terrestrials disguised as humans. The electricity goes out. A neighbor pleads for calm. Suddenly his car -- and only his car -- starts. Someone suggests he must be the alien. Then another man's lights go on. As charges and suspicion and panic overtake the street, guns are inevitably produced. An "alien" is shot -- but he turns out to be just another neighbor, returning from going for help. The camera pulls back to a near-by hill, where two extra-terrestrials are seen manipulating a small device that can jam electricity. The veteran tells his novice that there's no need to actually attack, that you just turn off a few of the human machines and then, "they pick the most dangerous enemy they can find, and it's themselves."

And then, in perhaps his finest piece of writing, Rod Serling sums it up with words of remarkable prescience, given where we find ourselves tonight: "The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices, to be found only in the minds of men.
"For the record, prejudices can kill and suspicion can destroy, and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all its own -- for the children, and the children yet unborn."

When those who dissent are told time and time again -- as we will be, if not tonight by the President, then tomorrow by his portable public chorus -- that he is preserving our freedom, but that if we use any of it, we are somehow un-American...When we are scolded, that if we merely question, we have "forgotten the lessons of 9/11"... look into this empty space behind me and the bi-partisanship upon which this administration also did not build, and tell me:

Who has left this hole in the ground?

We have not forgotten, Mr. President.

You have.

May this country forgive you.

9/11: 5 Years Later

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past 5 years, most people here in the U.S. know what today is. It doesn't even feel like it's been 5 years...A lot has happened in that amount of time. I don't know about anyone else but the attacks are as fresh in my mind as they were 5 years ago. I know, we are being saturated with retrospectives and the usual memorials that take place this day ever since. I didn't know anyone that died in the attacks but I still feel for those that lost their lives in a senseless act of aggression. Just looking back at the video and the photos makes me feel like I'm seeing it for the first time. I should be over it by now...I mean most people that were directly affected by it are, but I'm not. It still bothers me beyond belief that so many people died or forever had their lives changed by such a horrific event. I think that most people know where they were and what they were doing when the attacks took place. If you were old enough to comprehend what was going on (I use the term comprehend loosely because there really is no understanding what happened) you remember everything about that day.

So much has changed since then. I think about how things were prior to 9/11 and see such stark differences. We as a people seemed so carefree in contrast to how we are now. I mean we have color coded alerts to warn us about supposed threats.

We should also remember today not only the people that died today in the terrorist attacks, but ALL people who have died in a terrorist attack. There have been countless attacks in Israel, Palestine, Afghanistan, and Iraq just to name some of the Middle Eastern countries. But remember there were also attacks in Spain and England. We should remember those people too.

I don't think we are any closer to ending terrorism than we were this time 5 years ago. I hate to say it but that's what I think. Sure there have been advances as far as eliminating threats and the such but really are we that much safer? Terrorism isn't a new concept. It's been happening for thousands and thousands of years. It involves so many things that just about anything could be construed as an act of terror. But I'm not going to argue that now. I wanted to reflect on and remember those people that lost their lives and can only hope that one day we, meaning ALL people, will never have to deal with something like that again.

**Frankie hasn't made it home yet. His flight got delayed so he won't be home until sometime this afternoon. He called me on Saturday to let me know he was still in Kuwait and wasn't leaving until sometime that evening. I can tell just by how he talked that he's changed. I don't quite know if it's a positive change or not...I guess I'll have a better assessment when I actually get to talk to him and hang out. No matter what though he'll always be my friend...I'm saying this more for my benefit...to remind me of things, you know?5 years ago I was petrified that something was going to happen to him in Korea...now he's in Iraq and the threat seems infinitely more dangerous. It's a scary thought.

Coming Soon to DVD

On November 21, "An Inconvenient Truth" comes out on DVD. I've been waiting for the release date for some time since I couldn't find it playing in a theater near me. I'm excited about it. What's even better is that the packaging is going to be earth friendly. "The DVD packaging consists entirely of waste products that have been recycled, including paper, inks and coatings formulated to emit virtually no volatile organic compounds into the atmosphere. That means no plastics and no laminates." according to the article from Reuters. I can't wait to see it. It's been in my Netflix queue since it came out...I think I'm going to buy it though instead. I mean it's probably worth looking at a couple times and I'm sure I could probably use it for my classes this semester...well one of them anyway.

Classes started this week. I only have to physically go to the college for one of them which is Forensic Science. I'm up there for 3 hours which seems long but it's really not that bad and the teacher is nice (that always helps). So I have a lot to do this coming week. I have a lot of reading for all the classes and then with Frankie coming home and spending time with him...it's going to be hard. I called his mom (yeah I broke down and called her. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be) and she said that he's supposed to be coming home tomorrow. He talked to her last Thursday and said that's what he'll be doing. They're just waiting to hear what the rest of the plan is. It's not a direct flight...they have to go to Kuwait first and then on to Germany and who knows where else from there. It's kinda weird though because if you think about it, he'll be travelling back in time in a way. There is something like an 8 hour time difference between here and Iraq. That's kind of neat if you think about it. So that's what's in store for me this week. I was supposed to take off today and tomorrow but since he didn't come in when I thought he was, I decided to come in to work. I figure I can save the days for when he's actually here.

Steve Irwin

Yesterday morning I was off since it was Labor Day. I heard the sounds coming from my computer telling me that I was being IM'd. I just figured it was my sister or Maggie and that I would get to it later. Later on when I was fully awake I checked them out. It was from Maggie telling me the Crocodile Hunter died. I figured it was a joke since I was always hearing that he was dead. A couple years back my dad swore up and down that he was killed by a crocodile...of course it wasn't true then but this time around it appears to be true. Like most people I was shocked and saddened by his passing.

He may have been a little out there but he got the point across. Kids loved him and adults did too whether they admit it or not. He was perhaps a little too in your face for some people but I liked that he got out there and tried to educate people on conservation. There aren't a lot of people out there that had that passion like he did. I think that's what set him apart from the others. He was so in love with nature and animals...he didn't care that they could hurt or kill him. There were lots of people out there that said that he was going to die doing his job and that turned out to be true. When I think about it though I'm sure that was probably the way he wanted to go...teaching people about animals. I'm not saying that he had a death wish and I know that his kids meant the world to him. That's who I feel sorry for the most. The kids. His kids were such an integral part of his life and at least his daughter shared his enthusiasm for wildlife. Not just his kids either. There are so many kids that looked up to him and are so upset that he's gone. It's so sad. I wouldn't begin to know how to explain the death of someone so beloved to my children.

I still can't get over the fact that he's gone. I wasn't a huge fan of his show but from time to time I would catch it and it would make me laugh. I liked his accent...and he was so over the top sometimes. You couldn't help but smile when he was on. Discovery Channel and Animal Planet are planning to air his shows as a tribute. Animal Planet is airing a tribute tonight at 6:00p.m.

Ouch....Aghhh!

I suck when it comes to putting any type of furniture together. I don't know why I just do. This one time it took me nearly an hour to put together a night stand...A Night Stand, People! It should have taken me a half hour tops. Oh well no big deal. I've come to the conclusion that anything you have to put together never goes nearly as easy as it's supposed to be.

So yesterday I was at work per usual. I knew that Pam was going to be ordering this organizer for all the newsletters so that it would look nicer in my cubical...really it does look bad the way it is. Anyway the organizer came in yesterday. I didn't know what it looked like but it was super heavy. I started taking the parts out of the box and organizing them. At first when you look at them there only seem to be 4 types of pieces. There aren't. There are 5 because one of the shelves is supposed to be different. I think they put the wrong part in the box or something. I looked at the "World's Easiest Instructions" (literally that's what it said on the top of the paper). The instructions weren't too difficult but I wouldn't go so far as to call them the "World's Easiest Instructions". So I started putting it together yesterday. After fiddling with it for an hour I noticed that I put the wrong shelf on the bottom so I have to take everything I did apart which luckily for me was only half of the structure. A half hour later I had that half back up with the correct pieces in place.

Fast forward to 7 am...well maybe 7:10....I plan on finishing this monstrosity hopefully before 8. I got one of the other panels up and in place. It should be gravy after that right? Wrong! The other side didn't want to fit. See there were these slats cut into the metal shelves that were supposed to fit not one but two parts of the other shelves. They were supposed to fit inside tightly. They didn't even fit. So I gave up for a couple minutes after cutting myself...it really didn't hurt; I just reopened an old wound from yesterday (who'd of thought you could hurt yourself putting mail away. Leave it to me to find out). I sat back, relaxed, collected myself and in a little while I went back to it. The panel must have been cut too small or something so I had to bend it so that I could at least put a screw in the back to attempt to put the other part into the slot. Well it just didn't so I left it the way it was. The rest of the parts weren't too bad. Other pieces gave me a bit of trouble but I got through it. So now the newsletter organizer is sitting in the middle of my cubicle waiting for me to fill it with newsletters of old. I'd start now but I know Pam is going to say that she wanted it a different way. I need to find a place for the bookshelf that is currently in it's place. There is a new professor coming in today...maybe he'd like it. I'd have to haul it down there but at least it'll give me something to do.