Beware! Complaining

Halloween came and went...nothing good happened although nothing bad happened either. I just wound up staying home. It was boring. I can seem to get motivated this week. I'm starting to fall behind which is never a good thing. I just don't feel like doing the work which isn't like me. I think it's just the weather and everything else that's been going on at home with mom who is once again off the wagon. This might be mean spirited but I can't help it. I think she's using it as an excuse. I know that's mean but I'm not the only one who's saying it. I just think that if she really wanted the help she'd commit to it and not use her alcoholism as an excuse. I've about had it and I know my stepdad has too. She supposed to see the psychiatrist today. I know there is no quick fix to her problem...I know that but I know that if you want to get better then you'll do everything in your power to get the help you need to get better and I don't think she's doing that at all. This time of year is always a little scary. This is the time of year my stepdad always seems to have his heart problems and because of everything that's been happening with her, I don't think he's been taking care of himself and that worries me beyond belief. Then she complains that he's never home but he has to do extra work to keep up with the bills because she can't seem to work a full week without something happening whether it be a cold or the fac that she's drunk. I was so angry yesterday when I was on my way home. She called and asked me to pick her up a bottle of vodka. I told her I didn't have money on me which I didn't and she got all huffy. I called Mr. Mike and let him know and he said he'd call back...he did and asked me to pick her up a bottle anyway. That went against everything my mind is telling me to do you know? He said that he had picked her up one the night before but she can't seem to find it. I let him know that she was drunk going into work yesterday. He said that she wasn't when we left and I let him know she was. He can't smell very well but I can and she smelled like a brewery. And she was slurring her speech something fierce. He didn't seem to know. I can tell you that she didn't misplace that bottle that she drank it. I know she did. I would almost bet my life on it. I'm just done you know?

I was supposed to stop by my cousin's last night but wound up going home. Good thing I did because she had to take Morgan to the hospital...my poor girl has strep but her fever was up to 105...that's never a good thing. But I lost it yesterday. All this stress isn't good for anyone involved. I just wish things would get better. It feels like there is something new going wrong everyday whether it be with school or work. It just seems like I'm getting my ass kicked every time I turn around. I know this is a lot of complaining but I don't have anywhere else to complain. My sisters don't have to deal with this stuff 24/7 like I do. They have separate lives away. I'm working on getting one myself but we'll see. I don't know. Things just have to change and change soon. I don't think they need to get worse than they are. I'm sorry once again for all the complaining. I'm trying to get some school work done but my head just isn't in it.