Freak Out

Not to start off on a bad note but someone close to me as cancer. He's had it for quite some time and currently he can't get treatment for it. Why? Because he doesn't have medical insurance and the program he was in was all the way in Baltimore. He lives in Abingdon and doesn't have his license at this time. So he had no choice but to drop out of the program until he got his license back which is happening right now. He has a lot of stuff going on and I only wish there was a way for me to help him. I know it's on his mind all the time..how could it not be. He's in the "advanced" stages and I'm pretty sure he said it's terminal. That has to be scary. The weekend got off to a rocky start which I'm not even going to bother mentioning but regardless it wasn't good. Saturday we were going to go play cards but considering everything that happened the night before, he just wanted to sleep so that's what wound up happening. (I know this is all super exciting for anyone who is even bothering reading this) And yesterday I took him down to Brooklyn so that he could figure out why the heat wasn't working in one of the houses he worked on. He's not a heating and air guy so I don't even know why he went down there. Anyway there wasn't anything he could do because you have to pay your bill so that you have electric which didn't happen. Luckily no one lives in there yet so they weren't freezing. Then we headed to Guitar Center so he could mess around on the instruments and stuff there. He's really good at the drums and I think if he wanted to he could play piano with a little more practice. Anyway the reason for me writing this is because, and this sounds so unbelievable selfish, is because I'm petrified. I want to help him and I'm trying to stay positive that he can beat the cancer but every time I think about it it upsets me. I mean I know he thinks about it all the time, how could you not? but seriously I don't know how he deals with it. If I think about it too much I cry...and I'm not even involved in the matter, you know? I just want to help in any way I can. I don't care what that entails. We had stopped at his moms so that he could pick up his iHome since he left it there Friday and she wasn't feeling well. She started flying off the handle at hime for no reason. It was ridiculous. She reminds me a lot of my mom in that sense. I guess that's why we get along so well. So that put him in a seriously bad mood on top of freaking me out because when we were driving home we hit some ice and spun out. When I get scared I cry and sometimes get sick ( TMI I know) and he's never seen that before so I freaked him out. I didn't mean to it's just how I am. He did the best he could and he didn't hit anyone or anything. That's what happens when the tires go bald and a mini snow storm hits. My fault completely...but I felt so bad for scaring him like that. It was just not the best weekend. I think the best day was yesterday. On the drive down and back to Brooklyn we just talked which I like to do....as you can tell. I just like hearing stories and the such. So I don't know...even how to end this. It went in the completely opposite direction from where I thought it was going to go. I'm just scared. I don't want him to die anytime soon...I know that's selfish but it's just that once he starts getting himself together he gets this crap and now what? I don't know...it's just a rough situation all around especially for him. He's got so much drama going on sometimes I think he doesn't know what to do with himself...hence why I try to divert his attention to doing just about anything else.